New Zealand Vs Zimbabwe

[doG]

Yeah nah, the cricket test match between NZ & Zimbabwe in Napier has all gone to plan for Jesse Ryder. Jesse carved thru the first dozen in extra quick time before heading to the shed to make room for the next dozen. New Zealand were 331/5 at stumps, with three top order batsmen having made it past 50 including Ross Taylor who will resume this morning having notched his sixth Test century.
Jesse has restocked the fridge and will be in for another big day tomorrow.
doG

[D & B]

[doG]

Play was called off for the day in the one-off test between the Blacks Caps and Zimbabwe in Napier due to rain.

The players left the field after the drinks interval in the first session on day two. Well almost all the players, Jesse Ryder never made it onto the field after the drinks interval, and it is reported he is still at drinks, the clinking of bottles could be heard well into the night, followed by burps and loud farts.

Rain did stop in the afternoon but umpires deemed it too wet to play.

The Black Caps are currently 392-5.

A blow also came for the Black Caps earlier in the day when skipper Ross Taylor retired on 122 due to a right calf strain.

He's been taken to hospital for further examination, as has Jesse.

doG

[doG]

Yeah nah it's a massacre !
doG

[doG]

New Zealand have scored their biggest win in Test cricket, bowling Zimbabwe out twice on day three of their one-off match in Napier. Jesse Ryder was rather dissapointed with the Zimbabwe performance which saw Jesse consume much less beer than everyone expected during the test.

The tourists were dismissed for 51 and 143 on Saturday, handing the Black Caps victory by an innings and 301 runs.

Jesse was the chief destroyer with 8 slabs in the second innings and 20 for the match.Chris Martin chimed in with six for 26 in the second innings and eight for 31 for the match.

The tourists' main resistance came from Regis Chakabva, who made 63 in the second innings - his maiden half-century. Jesse threw him a six pack when he made his 1/2 century, he was out shortly after.

Zimbabwe, playing their first Test overseas since ending a self-imposed six-year Test exile last year, struggled with the swinging ball at McLean Park and their first innings lasted fewer than 29 overs.

Forced to follow on, they were again in dire straits just after tea when they fell to 12 for five.

However, Chakabva and Graeme Cremer (26) gave the total some respectability with a seventh-wicket stand of 63.

Their partnership led stand-in New Zealand skipper Brendon McCullum to turn to part-time spinners Martin Guptill and Kane Williamson.

While Guptill conceded 12 runs in his only over, Williamson did manage to effect the breakthrough, with a full toss that Cremer could only loft to Bracewell at mid-wicket.

It was left to Martin to mop up the tail with three wickets in his last two overs.

New Zealand declared their first innings at 495 for seven midway through the day's opening session.

The declaration came shortly after wicketkeeper-batsman BJ Watling completed his maiden Test century.

Watling finished on 102 not out to be one of two Black Caps to reach triple figures.

On Friday, skipper Ross Taylor got to 122 before picking up a calf injury and retiring hurt, leaving McCullum to take over the captaincy.

Meanwhile, spinner Daniel Vettori's sole wicket, in Zimbabwe's first inning, took his Test tally to 356 and put him alone in 16th place on the list of all-time wicket-takers, one ahead of Dennis Lillee and Chaminda Vaas.

doG

[doG]

Yeah nah, an inexperienced Black Caps side has comfortably beaten Zimbabwe by 90 runs in the first one day international in Dunedin.

Sent in on a pitch that kept the bowlers interested the Black Caps were bowled out for a modest 248 in the 49th over.

But the target proved to be too much for the brittle Zimbabwe batting line up as they were dismissed for 198.

After losing the toss, Jesse headed straight to the shed to crack open a couple of bottles. He suffered a disastrous start with a DB Export and changed immediately to Steinlagers for the remainder of the innings. He could be seen swaying inside the first ten overs.

The result puts the Black Caps 1-nil in the three match series, with the second match to be played in Whangarei on Monday.

doG

[doG]

Yeah nah, the second one day game is going to be a nail biter. Batting first New Zealand could only manage 372/6, Zimbabwe should have little problem chasing down this score.

doG

[doG]

Yeah nah, Jessie was very pleased with the 149 run win as it gave him time to sink many more tinnies than he originally expected. He must have rigged it with the NZ Bowlers not to bowl the Zimbabwe team out.
doG

[doG]

Yeah nah yeah, oh dear New Zealand has falied again to reach 400 runs in a 50 over innings, only managing to score 373 Jesse has hit the bottle to console himself for the teams miserable score. This will be a nail biter down to the bitter end, Jesse has brought in a few slabs of DB Bitter for the occasion
doG

[doG]

Yeah nah, that was a close call, Zimbabwe just missed the target by a poultry 202 runs, had me worried there for a moment.
doG

[doG]

Yeah nah, Zimbabwe batted first and put up a useful 159 runs. Jesse settled into his first 6 pack and had them dispatched before the fall of the first wicket. He than dug deep and kept the cans coming celebrating each 6 with a shooter. By the time Guptil had almost single handly whipped the Zimbabwe bowling attack into a bunch of jibbering wilderbeast cream Jesse had broken into the reserve grade fridge and was reduced to drinking Bacardy chases.
doG

[micko]

Silly game. NOBODY CARES!

[TomH]

Rack off yer gerlar.

[doG]

Silly game. NOBODY CARES!

Thankyou please
That is all
doG

[Randall]

india beat australia in what looked like a cracking game.

[doG]

Jesse Ryder was very pleased with his results during the Zimbabwe tour of New Zealand finishing last night with another excellent effort at the bar. Zimbabwe batted out the entire 20 overs of the Twenty/20 game giving him valuable time at the bar. By the time the New Zealanders had made the poultry 202 required for the win Jesse had dispatched empty cans to all corners of the park during his walk-around. Often venturing into the bushes, Jesse said he was looking for lost cricket balls from previous innings at the park.

Zimbabwe now head home winless from this tour. Jesse heads home in a taxi.

Bring on South Afrika
doG