Tis the time for a new season

[Rob Singleton]

Last night's spread at the golf club...

Sourdough sarnies:
Wiltshire ham
Egg and salad cream
Cheese and red onion
Sides of lettuce and tomato

Washed down with 2 pints of water and we beat our nearest rivals 5-3 to go 2nd with 1 match to go. We're home again next week, against the bottom placed team where a draw will secure us runners up behind the runaway champions elect, who we will play in the league cup final in a few weeks.

Happy April Fools Day to all

[Cooking with Sandra]

Hope the head is alright this morning pal!

[The Thorn]

Last night's spread at the golf club...

Sourdough sarnies:
Wiltshire ham
Egg and salad cream
Cheese and red onion
Sides of lettuce and tomato

Washed down with 2 pints of water and we beat our nearest rivals 5-3 to go 2nd with 1 match to go. We're home again next week, against the bottom placed team where a draw will secure us runners up behind the runaway champions elect, who we will play in the league cup final in a few weeks.

Happy April Fools Day to all

Spread sounds fucking banging tbf

[Rob Singleton]

Off The Nut Tonight
Off The Nut Tonight

[Rob Singleton]

[Rob Singleton]

This post which I'd copy and pasted and saved to email sat dormant throughout the night. I meant to send it before heading out to darts but forgot. Hence my earlier post ~ Off The Nut
A pre curser to events that followed...

On Saturday, 12 April 2025, Rob wrote:

Finals night tonight followed by the presentation.

League cup final between the top 2 in the league. 1st (them) v 2nd (us)
There's good news and bad news...

Bad news is we're 2 players down as they're attending a wedding which has royally fucked us. 6 singles & 2 pairs. 4-4 gets us a golden ticket to pick any player for the decider

It's looking like a 6-2 loss at best especially as it's 501 straight start and not the league format of 301 double start. We'll be fielding 3 blokes and 3 women against the runaway all male champions.

Fuck 'em!

Good news:
I'm in 1/4 finals of the Open singles
and semi finals of the Open pairs.
Both to be played on stage

I beat their local top player (currently playing Warwickshire A and Challenge Tour) in the last 16 ~ 2-0 in 18 to break 20, 16, d20 and 17 to hold, leaving 56 after 12 darts. 16, 20, 0. Followed by 10, d5. Phew! He'd scored 140 to leave 62

My pairs partner is our captain. She is a she and was 1 of 2 females who entered.
Will we smash it? Of course we will

I'll get to play 6 legs minimum.
As my fellow left hander BiPolar extraordinaire Jimmy Wade says
Wish me luck

P.S. I wonder which of the home town Tories who are a town away from us working class lot I can upset tonight?

More of that to Countin' On A Miracle" by Bruce Springsteen come in the very near future

[Rob Singleton]

Hold your horses, it's 10 chapters long and I'm not even half way through typing. The head is mush and the hangover immense.

I'm only at the 4th match in the cup final and still got the league singles, league pairs, presentation and everything before, after to follow.

Will seperate the posts to each 3 events.
Starting with the Cup Final against the hottest of red hot favourites. Can we?

P.S. This is for the many lurkers looking in as my follow up post will testify. 7pm now UK time. The clock is ticking. Must crack on...

[Cooking with Sandra]

To confirm: no guests are reading this forum.

[ChrisW]

271 currently

[Rob Singleton]

Wowzers! I'm still "Off The Nut!"
At least i've managed to get the layouts for the Cup Final in place, which when properly tidied up will be going in the book.

I've used artistic license (as is my right) with the bits as I remember? and will require input to what actually happened (big grin) from team colleagues.

From the 6 of us who were there tonight, we are the most non darts drinking team I've known (our other 2 players were at a wedding). 2 are tee-total, 3 drink occasionally, and there's myself. I usually don't drink, but in the more meaningful tournaments I do, and I had my fill for all of us.

Fighting on 3 fronts of comps on the night with league singles / league pairs and cup final all intertwined along with the rum in my veins has addled by brain.

I'm retired and living in a beaten down rumble shack off grid, with plenty of time on my hands. I'm 20 odds years deep in writing this kind of bollocks and half the time it's about the day itself with some actual darts reports thrown in. This one is either or and somewhere in between.

In the meantime an appropriate song from Belfast's finest...

[Rob Singleton]

All day my head has not cleared. Anadin extra / Ibuprofen taken at 2hrs apart haven't made a dent. I tried a straightener to get myself right but to no avail. Forward several hours and I'm Fucked / "Off Me Nut" as Its clearly not worked.

Daughter is loving it. "MORE RUM! MORE RUM! MORE RUM!" She chants! Oh well, I'll be turning up to a new season in a different league, run by the village / venue down the road from us townies / countrysiders, more off me nut than I was for the Finals Night extravaganza 2 days ago on Saturday.

Difference is I channelled and programmed my alcohol intake to precision that day / night, and today / tonight it's got the better of me. On the plus side I'll now go to our away match tonight knowing I won't be having anymore alcohol until next Monday / our next league match at the earliest.

There's no 4-4 draw possibility in this league as it's the best of 9, 301 Double Start with NO Bust Rule. EG - You want 16 with 2 darts left and you hit a single 11. You can't bust it. You wiil either leave 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Sing up - The Dave Clark 5. The oldie oldies amongst the Guests will know it. Told you, I'm "Iff Me Nut."

our team is the same players as the ones who were Runners Up in the Tory Town League, (which in itself is / was a miracle for us to achieve that position) plus one of our better players who was at a wedding with his fellow school teacher / darts colleague was missing from the Cup Final.

Simeone looming in will know the score and outcome of all 3 events from the Finals night.

P.S. Our team is the 3rd Division of this league. The extra player is my daughter's mother who played for Leamington In the Supet League way back when 30+ years ago with our Trina Jones and Nanette Beaton to name but a few. Of course Trina went on to become 10 times World Champion of the world. She was down the road in Southam.

Fuck! I'm late for my lift. Must dash. Love to all xxx

[ChrisW]

Introducing to the thousands and millions around the world. Trina Gulliver 'World champion of the world!'

[Rob Singleton]

NO SPREAD TONIGHT!!!
TIGHT TORY TOWN BASTARDS!!!

Rolled into the away venue tonight worse for wear and none of our team could provide additional info from our Cup Final 2 nights ago as they were sat too far away?

This is partly true as only the the ref and players can see what's scored with these toy boards up close.

At least way back in the 80's / 90's you knew where the dart landed due to the thickness of the wires. Now a player throwing isn't always sure what's been hit due to the thin wires. Ala Chisnall when he thought he'd won his match.

Back to tonight and the gift that keeps giving... The following sequence of events is 100% true:

(1) My captain took one look at me and put me on first. I had no idea what was going on or where my darts were - I'd left them behind! So I picked up my daughter's darts.

(2( I atepped to the oche and with my first 3 darts I hit 3 bulls. Called my daughter over and posed for a photo. I did tell you forum fuckers it was my old party piece way back when, before dartitus tried to ruin me.

Our league match started and my opponent doubled off straight away. It took me 3 visits to get away, (301 double to start) I won 2-0.

When I got called to play in the pairs I saw we were 3-1 down. WTF!! We won our pairs 2-1 (1-0, 1-1, 2-1) to make it it 3-2. Then it became 4-2. Pulled one back 4-3 and got the draw 4-4. There was no 9th game like I thought. At least we didn't lose. From runners up in the top flight last week to only drawing in the 3rd division tonight. That's the honeymoon period over. Welcome to life in the village league.

Easter break next week so no booze for at least 2 weeks. You know what's coming. Sing up...

[TheMalteseDart]

NO SPREAD TONIGHT!!!
TIGHT TORY TOWN BASTARDS!!!

Rolled into the away venue tonight worse for wear and none of our team could provide additional info from our Cup Final 2 nights ago as they were sat too far away?

This is partly true as only the the ref and players can see what's scored with these toy boards up close.

At least way back in the 80's / 90's you knew where the dart landed due to the thickness of the wires. Now a player throwing isn't always sure what's been hit due to the thin wires. Ala Chisnall when he thought he'd won his match.

Back to tonight and the gift that keeps giving... The following sequence of events is 100% true:

(1) My captain took one look at me and put me on first. I had no idea what was going on or where my darts were - I'd left them behind! So I picked up my daughter's darts.

(2( I atepped to the oche and with my first 3 darts I hit 3 bulls. Called my daughter over and posed for a photo. I did tell you forum fuckers it was my old party piece way back when, before dartitus tried to ruin me.

Our league match started and my opponent doubled off straight away. It took me 3 visits to get away, (301 double to start) I won 2-0.

When I got called to play in the pairs I saw we were 3-1 down. WTF!! We won our pairs 2-1 (1-0, 1-1, 2-1) to make it it 3-2. Then it became 4-2. Pulled one back 4-3 and got the draw 4-4. There was no 9th game like I thought. At least we didn't lose. From runners up in the top flight last week to only drawing in the 3rd division tonight. That's the honeymoon period over. Welcome to life in the village league.

Easter break next week so no booze for at least 2 weeks. You know what's coming. Sing up...

Great read as always mate

[The Thorn]

NO SPREAD TONIGHT!!!
TIGHT TORY TOWN BASTARDS!!!

Rolled into the away venue tonight worse for wear and none of our team could provide additional info from our Cup Final 2 nights ago as they were sat too far away?

This is partly true as only the the ref and players can see what's scored with these toy boards up close.

At least way back in the 80's / 90's you knew where the dart landed due to the thickness of the wires. Now a player throwing isn't always sure what's been hit due to the thin wires. Ala Chisnall when he thought he'd won his match.

Back to tonight and the gift that keeps giving... The following sequence of events is 100% true:

(1) My captain took one look at me and put me on first. I had no idea what was going on or where my darts were - I'd left them behind! So I picked up my daughter's darts.

(2( I atepped to the oche and with my first 3 darts I hit 3 bulls. Called my daughter over and posed for a photo. I did tell you forum fuckers it was my old party piece way back when, before dartitus tried to ruin me.

Our league match started and my opponent doubled off straight away. It took me 3 visits to get away, (301 double to start) I won 2-0.

When I got called to play in the pairs I saw we were 3-1 down. WTF!! We won our pairs 2-1 (1-0, 1-1, 2-1) to make it it 3-2. Then it became 4-2. Pulled one back 4-3 and got the draw 4-4. There was no 9th game like I thought. At least we didn't lose. From runners up in the top flight last week to only drawing in the 3rd division tonight. That's the honeymoon period over. Welcome to life in the village league.

Easter break next week so no booze for at least 2 weeks. You know what's coming. Sing up...

Great read as always mate

+1

Always enjoy to read people's experiences in local darts.

[Rob Singleton]

I've not read any of my recent posts back and don't intend to anytime soon. Was in a right mess that Saturday through Monday and remainder of the week. The following week saved me big time as no matches took place due to Easter holidays.

LAST NIGHT'S DARTS SPREAD:

Away for the 2nd match running and played miles away in the sticks. No sarnies or salad tonight.

The spread was mild chicken curry in a slow cooker with boiled rice.

Very nice and a change from sarnies. Was nice for us having another team putting on food. Scratch card helped pay for it and anyone interested the winning team was West Ham United. Our team drew 4-4 again from 3-1 and 4-2 down. Similar start to last season that looks being as equally bleak, then we went on a mad run, eventually finishing runners up. Never say never

[sennafan24]

I've not read any of my recent posts back and don't intend to anytime soon. Was in a right mess that Saturday through Monday and remainder of the week. The following week saved me big time as no matches took place due to Easter holidays.

LAST NIGHT'S DARTS SPREAD:

Away for the 2nd match running and played miles away in the sticks. No sarnies or salad tonight.

The spread was mild chicken curry in a slow cooker with boiled rice.

Very nice and a change from sarnies. Was nice for us having another team putting on food. Scratch card helped pay for it and anyone interested the winning team was West Ham United. Our team drew 4-4 again from 3-1 and 4-2 down. Similar start to last season that looks being as equally bleak, then we went on a mad run, eventually finishing runners up. Never say never

Afternoon Rob.

[The Thorn]

I've not read any of my recent posts back and don't intend to anytime soon. Was in a right mess that Saturday through Monday and remainder of the week. The following week saved me big time as no matches took place due to Easter holidays.

LAST NIGHT'S DARTS SPREAD:

Away for the 2nd match running and played miles away in the sticks. No sarnies or salad tonight.

The spread was mild chicken curry in a slow cooker with boiled rice.

Very nice and a change from sarnies. Was nice for us having another team putting on food. Scratch card helped pay for it and anyone interested the winning team was West Ham United. Our team drew 4-4 again from 3-1 and 4-2 down. Similar start to last season that looks being as equally bleak, then we went on a mad run, eventually finishing runners up. Never say never

I've been a real sucker for curry lately.

[HalloweenJack]

I've not read any of my recent posts back and don't intend to anytime soon. Was in a right mess that Saturday through Monday and remainder of the week. The following week saved me big time as no matches took place due to Easter holidays.

LAST NIGHT'S DARTS SPREAD:

Away for the 2nd match running and played miles away in the sticks. No sarnies or salad tonight.

The spread was mild chicken curry in a slow cooker with boiled rice.

Very nice and a change from sarnies. Was nice for us having another team putting on food. Scratch card helped pay for it and anyone interested the winning team was West Ham United. Our team drew 4-4 again from 3-1 and 4-2 down. Similar start to last season that looks being as equally bleak, then we went on a mad run, eventually finishing runners up. Never say never

Afternoon Rob.

Oh... another day another way another life another day another life ...
Of existence....
Oh fear threat and filth
Tender in hate
Slug and grab
Trap and take away
Another track
Meat rack and ruin
Boarded up and beaten up
Roaming the streets
Have no respect for a life
A limb a love
Whose love are you anyway?
Mother smiles
Narrow smiles
Drink up your poison
Like a good little girl
Can't have your coke
And beat it you know

'Sick of seeing you bruised and burnt out
Ugly and low'
So sick and tired
Of being sick and tired
Of being used and abused
That's right (that's right that's right that's right that's right that's right)

Pushing through the pavement sprawl
Round the late night supermarket
Dirtlocked lady
Who hits you in the chest
Give her all your money, Mr. Barefoot
All the year round
Please don't breathe on me
Oh and Hi there
Zizi Jean (night) mare

Still sticky from you
Still sticky from me
(I hear voices)
Still sticky from you
Still sticky from me
Smack kerpow!!
Into cold Greaseburger prance
Call me Chico Chico from Puerto Rico
Guilty of another cold handed sperm murder
Forever the crunch of makeup under foot
Where will you take me
When this is all over?
Somewhere where I don't have to
Shiver in the shadows...

So sick and tired
Of being used and abused

Everyday
You set up
Go to work
Floating like the ash
In the Coffee Pot café
(that's right that's right that's right that's right that's right)

Throwing upon an over-diet
Of slob culture
Overdose and out
I'm scared for you
For me
For you... no...
For me
I got so tired of
Reading about the anguish of being
That I ended up being
Without
And where will you take me?
Where will you take me?
Away from this hell to be
(or not to be)
Pull up the vacancy sign in your eyes
I've seen it and I don't like it
I've seen it and I don't like it
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
Of being used and abused
Hey is this the last night in Sodom?
(that's right that's right that's right)

Sick and tired....

A day today of a life of existence

And his name... is Jesus
(You have never known love till you've known the love of god...
That's right)

Only god may find a way
Where there is no way
That's right....
Is this the last night in Sodom?

(You have never known love till you've known the love of god...
That's right)

What a waste....

And they never shed a tear
For Jesus Christ when he died on the cross
And they drove a spike in his side and hammered a crown of thorns on his head

What a waste...