The chase your dream thread. Sponsored by Richard Swainston

[Surreys finest]

Hi. I'm Surrey. My dream is to be a world renowned porn star. I may only have a 4 inch cock and borderline man boobs, but nothing will stop me pursuing my goal.

I managed to last 10 minutes while shagging the missus last month. Then last week I caused her to have an orgasm so loud that it startled the neighbours... By getting her some new batteries for that massive vibrating purple thing in her knicker drawer.

For just a 500 pounds donation, I can get your companies name tattoed on my arse to get a piece of the action. So when I'm thrusting away, your business gets noticed. There is room for 30 company logos.

Obviously my early porn exploits won't get televised (unless you count the CCTV round the back of Poundland). I will of course initially be paying prostitutes but that is an investment worth making.

Once I get noticed as a world class shagger, directors will be paying me to work alongside the birds you wank over.Let me know if you want to take up some of my buttock space.

[Justin Credible]

Hi I am Justin Credible.

My dream is to be a black rapper from the west side, carrying a piece, covered in gold smacking my babies mommas upside da hed coz they axed my questions

Problem is I dont wear gold, hate rap, hate yanks and i am not black nor allowed guns here legally.

Please send what you can.

[Robert Ross]

Hi all,

My name is Bob Ross. I want to be a painter. Only problem is I died more than 20 yera ago. Please send what you can.

Thanks in advance.