Lakeside Howlers Thread
Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2017 9:36 am
To be updated throughout the tournament. Not going to be watching much of it so all suggestions (how trivial) welcome.
May I suggest this thread is a Sticky.
Pre-Tournament
- BDO Board members and Bob Potter fuck the draw up on a live Internet stream to the extent Little Richard has to step in and ask for the whole thing to be redrawn
- The international rights for the events seemingly sold to no other country at all, so only the UK and Ireland able to view the coverage via the two host broadcasters.
- Ross Montgomery issuing a "chilling warning" via the Daily Star, despite the bookies making him the underdog. He later goes on to lose his first round match 3-1.
- Only a couple of days before the event, ticket sales still very poor. Monday evening only has 43% of available tickets sold, Tuesday evening 60%, and all the weekday afternoon session vary between 45-64% occupancy
- Channel 4 showing trailers for the event including Stephen Bunting (fucked off 3 years ago), Alan Norris (fucked off 2 years ago) and Ted Hankey (failed to qualify).
- Oh, and Channel 4 using the 4 (?) year old catchphrase of a dead fat racist in their promotional material on Twitter.
- Oh, and Channel 4 failing to provide free to air evening highlights for the first time in years.
- BDO Board leaking out "news" (and I use that term very loosely) on Boxing Day with the intention of trying to get players to stay when Q School comes around.
- The current BDO mens #1 spending the days before his big match obsessing about an Irish man writing things on a blog, rather than getting himself mentally ready for the big game.
- Bookies and major sports stars lining up on Twitter, Facebook and their own websites to take pot shots at the event, thus confirming its perception in the psyche of the general public. List of bookies taking the piss: Stan James, Bet365, Betfair, Coral, PaddyPower
- The continuing insistence that Lakeside is the "Home of World Darts" or the "Home of British Darts", depending on where you read.
- The BDO having to scratch around for a "journalist" to do their website write-ups for free, only finding one this week - a kid who writes a blog.
- No public breakdown of prize money split - because they dont want to admit its exactly the same as last year. And the year before that. And the year before that.
- Rumours that the 9 dart prize fund has been cut by over 80% (from £52k to £10k), despite nobody hitting it since God was a boy. Probably reduced because they know the board now has massive trebles and its much more likely to happen.
- The BBC website, one of the most popular news sites in the UK (if not THE most popular) totally blanks the start of the event, instead it has a PDC new article from 4 days ago as its main story and no mention at all of the event starting on the 7th.
- The last article on the BT Sport website with the tag "darts" dates back to the 30th September". So nothing about the event they are about to show whatsoever.
- Channel 4 claiming that Jamie Hughes had a trial with "Wolverhampton Wanders".
- The BDO Fanatics FB scrambling around for free streams for the BT Sport session, rather than paying for the darts they profess to love and be fanatical about.
- BDO website forgets to put their runaway mens #1 player on the montage picture on their own website.
- the "new" stage is just the same as the old one with some black paint and new light bulbs.
- The official BDO Twitter account not being verified.
Day One
- Rob Walker.
- One of Walker and Nicholsons opening gambits is about how the PDC event is better. Talk about talking your own product down.
- When Bobby George was asked if darts is a psychological game, he said it was also a mind game.
- Rob Walker suggesting the oche was filthy and needed the attention of a vacuum cleaner. Also making excuses for poor performances by saying everyone is "very nervous".
-Nick Kenny stealing Freed from Desire from the recent PDC event
- Channel 4 inserting a break between the fucking walk ons and the first leg
- First throw of the event featured 2 of the 3 darts straying into the 5 segment
- The huge unmissable bull on the Blade 5 coming into use in the first fucking leg.
- the hot favourite is broken in the first set and loses it.
- When needing 141 for a perfect 9 dart leg, Durrant scores the almighty score of 48, ensuring he can't even get a 10 dart leg when he returns.
- Little Richard calls the above as a 48 when it was actually a 46.
- Nick Kenny with 72 left and three darts in his hand doesn't even get a dart at a double as he missed two big numbers.
- Less than 3,500 people worldwide watching the number 1 in the whole WDF system in his first round game on the free YouTube stream, at some points not even 2,000 watching it.
- "Kenny likes double eighteen" says Vassos immediately after Kenny missed said double.
- Comms mistaking masks of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in the crowd for the Beckhams.
- C4 cameras picking up someone in the crowd who had specially blacked up for the occasion.
- Very shaky camerawork when switching to 19's. Add to this shaky camerawork on the balcony.
- People in the crowd chanting whilst Durrant was throwing for the match. This after years of people saying this never, ever happens at Lakeside.
- Duzza spending most of the post match interview monging it up about averages, averages, averages.
- Channel 4 interviewing players in the bar, so no progress there at all. C4 realising part way through the interview they were showing people getting ratarsed, and changing the camera angle, will not save them this time I'm afraid.
- Trina Gulliver bullshitting her way through an interview, claiming the women's game has always been quality and that broadcasters see the value in it.
- Trina walking out to "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate.
- Women's defending champion starting her defence of her title with a 30, followed by a 44, followed by a 59.
- Brookin misses six darts to win the first leg before Gulliver finally wins it on her own throw in 29 darts. Brookin wins her first leg with a hold in 26 darts...
- Gulliver almost missing the board going for D10.
- Brookin with 25 left busts it. Twice. Finally wins the leg after Gulliver busts 78 by hitting a T20.
- Trina needing 6 darts to clean up 40.
- Commentators giving a plethora ot excuses for the poor performances in the Gulliver/Brookin match. Stage is too hot, Brookin is pregnant etc.
- Deta Hedman saying "Fuck" during live commentary.
- Brookin scores D20 in a scoring throw.
- She then needs 14 darts to clear 25, busting it three times.
- Vassos claiming that Trina is "playing herself into form" at the end of an utterly awful match.
- Paul Nicholson claiming not to be surprised at the number of darts the 10 times champion was missing at double.
- Martin Adams having a proper coughing fit during a live interview.
- Denis Nillson stealing the walk on music of Mensur Sujovic.
- the most interesting thing that John Rawling can conjure up about Ryan Joyce that he was the running up in the Denmark Open. Quickly followed by Paul Nicholson blowing smoke up Joyce's arse by saying he has a chance of winning the title.
- Rawling claiming that the winner of the Joyce preliminary match will play Adams in the "second round". He repeated this again at the end of the match.
- Rawling and Nicholson waxing lyrical about the PDC world championship final in 2007.
- Rawling claiming Nillson needed tops when he had 32 left.
- Nicholson and Rawling labouring the point to death that Joyce is from the north east.
- Paul Nicholson claiming thousands are in attendance. The capacity of Lakeside is about 1350.
- Crowd monging it up singing along to Daydream Believer and Mamma Mia whilst C4 are trying to do some analysis, which consists of Walker claiming the atmosphere was "electric" during a routine straight sets win.
- Ryan Joyce extolling the virtues of alcohol during his post match interview.
- Walker constantly sticking his mic in Nicholson's face....this is despite Nicholson having a mic of his own.
- Fitton groping his own tits waiting for walk on
- Darryl Fitton still persisting with that fucking walk on. This is after the C4 team have been bigging it up most of the afternoon like it was seeing something special akin to Halley's Comet.
- Finally pronouncing Wouter Vaes name correctly after 3.5 hours on the air.
- Vassos's mic failing during a live commentary, leaving Rawling on his own.
- Vaes averaging 73 in losing the first set, with three missed darts to win a leg and only one score over 100.
- whilst Fitton is averaging mid 80's, Rawling proclaims you won't be able to get him as high as 33/1 at the bookies now. A quick look online sees Stan James offering 40/1 and PaddyPower 50/1.
- Vassos going on about the Lakeside stage etc etc etc...
- With Fitton on 92, he hits 50 and Rawling suggests he has D16 left
- Vaes missing 6 darts at D17, none of them inside the double and one of them almost hitting the tyre.
- Session finishes at 4.40pm after 2 x 3-0, a 3-1 and a 2-0, giving the crowd well over 2 hours to do fuck all except put money in Potters tills.
- Fitton mongs whilst C4 are trying to interview him, talking up his 85 average as a world beating performance.
- Scott Mitchell and Spineless wearing their playing shirts despite neither of them being on until tomorrow.
- a bizarre mention of Brian "Pecker" Woods during the opening match of the evening session
- Awful spotting during the Smith match: when left on 63, they focused on 13, but Jeff likes D18, so his first dart went for a T9.
- Smith busting a 70co by hitting 10 and then T20.
- Yet more mic problems during the McGrath match
- Fans booing non stop during the appalling jansen/McGrath match.
- 26 darters enough to break for Janssen.
- Janssen starts the leg with a 180....and follows it with scores of 21, 30, 30, 60 and 40. First 3 darts = 180, the combined total for next 15 darts = 181
- BT Sport putting ads on just before a deciding set. Even Sky don't pull a stunt like that.
- Jannsen/McGrath going to a decider. Kill me now!!!! 17 legs taking 65 minutes to play.
- In the final leg of the Jannsen/McGrath match, Jannsen is left on 128. "Who's to say Janssen won't have a big visit and leave himself on a nice finish", cries Nicholson. Janssen scores 26.
- Mongs rocking out to the Proclaimers and Neil Diamond whilst BT Sport try and do some analysis.
- Around 3k people watching the darts worldwide, prime time in Europe...
- The BDO on Twitter virtually admitting the McGrath match was shite by saying a rendition of Sweet Caroline had livened everyone up.
- Gulliver still wearing her playing shirt, hours after actually playing.
- One of the women drops her darts during the walk-on
- Brooks with 70 left throws for treble 10 and hits single 15, and then 15 again to leave tops, but throws for double 10 instead of double 20. Camera goes to double 20, we see no 3rd dart but hear it hit the board. Comms, "where did it go", Camera pans out; Brooks collecting the dart from single 10 (after missing D10) walks away counting on her fingers and realizing she only had 50 scored.
- Barely any cunt in the Lakeside crowd watching the ladies darts.
- O'Shea seen downing a beer in the bar minutes before he's due on stage
- an awful skit involving O'Shea being a drummer.
- Paul Nicholson declaring that "the thing with the Welsh is that they are very very Welsh" He also declared that "O'shea won it would be a national holiday in Stockport", the problem being that Stockport isn't a country.
- Jim Williams winning 2-0 in legs despite averaging 66 and change.
- Williams scores 3 during a normal scoring visit.
- Williams winning a set 3-0 with a break of throw and a 68 average.
- BT Sport putting the averages up during the O'Shea holocaust match, realised they were both averaging 75 and below, so quickly got rid of it.
- Williams misses 11 darts at double 10 alone in one leg as O'Shea holds his throw with a 30 dart leg and celebrates like he has won the lottery.
- Play is halted because of a mobile phone going off!
- Williams able to win the first two sets averaging 75.06
- BT Sport keep cutting to the, erm, mighty Will Mellor and his missus in the crowd, instead of showing actual darts.
- Yet another 3-0 loss in the first round for O'Shea, averaging less than 77 and winning only two legs.
- Toplad chuckling like fuck during his post match interview, blaming the "pressure of the stage". Again.
- Jim Williams being told his next match is tomorrow. It isn't.
- The woefully poor graphics on the BDO website. Looks like they are using MS Paint and resulting in some out of proportion head shots.
Day Two
- Channel 4 taking time out to show, ahem, "highlights" from the thoroughly turgid evening session from the night before.
- An embarrassing Go Fund me page set up to raise an extra £500 for the Lakeside winner...who already gets ten grand.
- Rob Walker waxing lyrical at the megastars who have played at Lakeside: Tarbuck, Forsyth, Warren Mitchell…
- Today's coverage starts with images of several players necking pints
- Rob Walker claiming that Lisa Ashton won “12 majors” last year”
- O'shea claiming he played well in the first two sets in of his match, sounding pissed at 1pm in the afternoon.
- The number #5 seed admitting he has not even done any practice for half of the year.
- Crowd dancing along to Agadoo, Macarena and the YMCA whilst C4 and BT do pieces to camera
- The commentators praising Joyce for never losing on the Lakeshite stage when he has only played one match on it.
- Rawling promising that the atmosphere will get more mongy as the day unfolds during the first match of the day. He also bigs up the IoM Open…
- Joyce on 60, Vassos: "Ryan Joyce has looked nerveless on his doubles so far." Single 20, then puts the Double shot possibly underneath the single dart, then misses D10 by an inch
- Crowd oooooooooo'ing in prospect of a 180 after Adams hit two treble 20's, despite him being on 165.
- Yet more adverts before deciding sets
- Adams going 14 darts without hitting a treble, including scoring 117 in three visits at the start of a leg
- Rawling: 'The door is ajar Adams will put the Joyce throw under pressure.' Adams scores 41.
- Technical problems with the T20 camera and the sound. Again.
- The obvious bias towards Adams during the entire Adams/Joyce match. Tony Greenesque.
- C4 interviewer asking Paul Hogan to give his opponents some tips. How does “lose” sound?
- Vassos asking Mace about his epic QF match with Adams, without having an actual clue when it was.
- Tom Sawyer having the worst nickname known to man “Today’s”. Where do you even put that in his name, at the start or the middle?
- Hogan proclaimed as the “Malta Open quarter finalist”.
- A discussion about golf and Vijay Sing during the Hogan match for some unknown reason.
- Sawyer averaging less than 70 through two sets.
- Mason calling Tom “Paul”, as well as making every excuse under the sun for the poor standard. “Shoulder injury” etc….
- Rawling proclaiming that “Lisa Ashton vs Deta Hedman is a great sport rivalry”
- At 2-2 in legs in the womens game of the afternoon, Rawlings says he thought the game would be much closer than it actually was.
- A discussion about youth international ladies darts
- Ashtons daughter screeching in the crowd just like that woman did at Highbury for fucking years.
- Ashton posting a higher average in victory than plenty of the men did in theirs, 11 of the 16 men up to that point posting a lower average.
- Nicholson blowing smoke up Mitchells arse after slagging off his invisible dog routine on Twitter.
- Comms bigging up Mitchell’s GSOD performances, without mentioning he never got out the group.
- Fat mong in a green suit getting a bollocking and told to behave
- Comms stating that Mitchell is up there with O'Shea as the most popular player in the game” and Vassos stating that Mitchell is “big on the South coast”
- McGrath scoring 22 in consecutive legs
- Mitchell 2-0 up in sets and threw more than 15 darts in all but one of his winnings legs.
- McGrath hitting S18 whilst aiming at the 20 bed.
- Comms proudly stating the Lakeshite prize money will just about cover McGraths travel costs. So no profit to be had.
- Rawling saying mitchell throwing for the set at 1-0 up in legs
- In the post match interview, Scott Mitchell claiming he and his opponent were "buying each other beer all day" and will be "buying more later"
- Channel 4 presenter Rob Walker needing to issue alcohol warnings on Twitter to the fancy dress mongs.
- Ratajski given 93 points for a score which was actually 83
- Matt Smith claiming that Hughes/Atkins could be a fire cracker. As it happened it was a standard 3-1 victory for Hughes which finished at nearly midnight
- Rawling calling the Ratajski prelim match "a first round match"
- Matt Smith proudly stating that they were dancing along to Its Raining Men during the break
- “Olive Oil” taking about five minutes to throw a dart at a double and then nearly throwing it out of the board.
- Olive not being able to count for shit
- John Rawling saying that Olive “hasn’t done herself justice tonight”, like she normally plays 10 times better
- Matt Smith getting the draw wrong
- Mongs in the crowd dressed as Power Rangers and Honey G. I thought Lakeside didn’t do fancy dress?
- Girl from BT Sport trying to interview a clearly worse for wear Brian Dawson whilst some Yawkshire mong bounds about in the background shouting "YAWKSHIRE! YAWKSHIRE!"
- The ridiculously slow pace of the Smith/van Baelen game.
- Jackie the Spastic from Belgium, playing up for the cameras at numerous occasions during the Van Baelen game.
- Bull Bull D16 by DvB. Unfortunately the camera cuts away to show Jackie the Belgian and we miss the double landing
- One 180 in the entire first 4 sets and then only 2 in the entire match between Smith and Van Baelen, the eventual winner not getting one at all.
- Nicholson deciding in the 17th leg that the turgid Smith/Van Baelen match, between two slow as fuck players, is "turning into a scrap."
- Smith/Van Baelen going all the way, sending the crowd to sleep
- Nicholson naming all the famous Aussies who have graced the Lakeside stage - whilst forgetting the only one to have actually won the cunt.
- The guys dressed as Power Rangers desperately trying to act up for the cameras during the Van Baelen game
- Van Baelen throwing away a 2-0 lead in the deciding set, and six match darts, to lose a Prelim match that took 90 minutes.
- BT Sport persisting with more adverts at 10.55pm when there is still one full match to play and the crowd have been there since noon that day
- Atkins with the look of an extra from Trainspotting. Tanked up to fuck. Also sponsored by some scummy pub in Tenerife.
- Atkins so pissed he loses the ability to count properly
- Paul Nicholson turning into Fatz by constantly bringing in the regions both players are from. “Yorkshire 1 , Black Country 1” he proclaimed at one point
- The return of the “First Nine Darts” stat during the Atkins game to mask the proper averages
- Nicholson commenting on the beautiful throwing action of Atkins...as he bangs in a couple of treble 1s.
- The guy who does the DfW seemingly giving up on updating the live scoring page after the second set
- The day finishing just before midnight at 11.58. Only a short 11-12 hour day for the crowd and the officials then. Five hours to play four matches, one of which was a 2-0 womens match.
- The event, which is called "unpredictable" by its supporters, currently has a first round set score of 18-4 to the six seeds who have played their First Round matches
Day Three
- Only scheduling three games in the afternoon, two of which are prelims.
- The total lack of any sunstantial mainstream media coverage for the event. Lead article on darts on BBC website is still MvG winning, not a single one on the site, and nothing substantial in the national print media. Some papers posting some results but not all (why?)
- The new "saviours" of the BDO, Sportotal, spending time on Twitter comparing averages from different rounds of both WC's, instead of spending time compiling their accounts which are now officially marked as overdue, meaning a fine to be paid to Companies House.
- Two Prelim jobbers winning the first 2 legs of their match in 14 and 12 darts respectively, both better than Scotty Dog Mitchell managed in his entire match yesterday.
- Hendriks with a scoring visit of 13 (5,5,T1)
- As the averages tumble below 90 after a promising start in the Hendriks match, C4 decide to show multiple close-ups of Anthony Dundas (ref)'s well wacky proper darts shoess. Rawling implies that Jim Proudfoot wouldn't criticse them to his face because he'd get himself killed by the thug.
- Rawling with intimate knowledge of David Cameron's whole darting career as he suggests he is "a better player than his record would suggest".
- "The upset is on" says Rawling as Cameron goes 2-1 up. Cameron is ranked 32 in the main table compared to Hendriks' 25 and neither play in the same events as each other on the tour, ever.
- Proudfoot filling time by making the same awful joke twice in 5 minutes about David Cameron having the same name as the ex-British PM and he should be good around the number 10 etc...
- Start of a leg, Hendriks score 60, 60, then puts the third dart up near Double 5.
- Hendriks on a high two-darter. Proudfoot: "Might go bull here, might go for treble 17". He duly slings it into single 7.
- Nicholson asked by Rob Walker if he thinks Cameron could beat Noppert in Round 1. Nicho refers to Kylie Edmonds beating Noppie at the Masters to suggest he can, because 'you get the feeling that the Canadians are winning against the Dutch at the moment'. Sigh
- Rob Walker makes reference to Cameron probably having "an orange juice or two" following that match.
- Dean Reynolds being a PDC Youth Tour participant mentioned on the coverage. Not hiding it at all....
- Interview with Scott Waites, talking about how much hes enjoying his darts and enjoyed the last year as champion. Strange, when he was talking about how hes losing interest and struggling to get motivated for the darts any more a month ago....
- Rob Walker physically incapable of saying the name "Dennis Harbour" without adding the word "master" onto the end of it.
- Dennis Harbour stealing Barney's walk on music
- Exciting reference to Dennis Harbour beating Wadey on the Lakeshite stage. Excitement undone by the clarification that Wade missed 10 darts for the match and was a child.
- Rawling claiming Wade lost to Harbour in 2005, when it was in fact 2003.
- People dressed as Teletubbies (Dipsy and Po) sat on the front row. In a country club on a working Monday afternoon in January at an event where nobody apparently does fancy dress.
- Man in the audience planting a big wet kiss on the camera lens
- Chris Mason spending the afternoon on Twitter having a segment size debate with Wayne Mardle, before then declaring that the best player at the event he is commentating on is fucking off to the PDC in 7 days time
- Caldwell letting out a good 'ol yawn whilst Harbour was throwing
- Harbour has 186 left with one dart in hand, throws it at the 20 bed and hits the single.
- Harbour letting the match go to the 4th set by having a total holocaust in the deciding leg of the 3rd set. Goes from D16 to D12 to D6 to D3, hits single 3, and then hits S20 when going for D1.
- Caldwell's counting and strange checkout choices. Best instance: with 114 left, he hits 57 to leave 57, then oddly enough he goes for single 7. Presumably was going for S19 but why? Shanghai on 19's in the deciding leg of a set he has to win to stay in? Tit.
- Harbour wins a turgid match averaging 81.99 without winning a single leg in five visits.
- Rob Walker describing Harbour's 81.99 average as "his best darts".
- Prelim weighted average is 0.16 lower than last years, so the huge trebles and bull on the Blade 5 not assisting the players whatsoever.
- Nicholson and Harbour struggling to understand what the other cunt is saying.
- Rob Walker: "Dean Reynolds is an immensely popular player".
- Pip Blackwell. Just for his name. Who calls their kid "Pip, ffs!!!!
- Musical "treats" for the crowd today: Chubby Checker [more to be added at some point later no doubt]
- Pip Blackwell walking out to the theme tune from Minder.
- Five missed doubles in the first leg of Reynolds/Blackwell, Reynolds finally holding his throw with a 21 darter.
- Pip Blackwell starts his first leg on throw off with a 41, followed by a 22, followed by a 15, followed by a 45!!!! he then suddenly hits a 180.
- Reynolds not going for a 15 to leave 170 and fucks his dart off the other two that were blocking the treble 20 bed to leave himself on a bogey.
- Channel 4 put up an English flag next to Reynolds name, before quickly changing it to a Welsh one.
- In the deciding leg of the 2nd set and with the throw, Blackwell goes 5 throws getting only one treble, which included scoring visits of 28 and 42. Reynolds somehow breaks despite scoring visits of 32, 43 and 44 in the leg himself to go 2-0 up in sets
- Both Reynolds and Blackwell winning a leg in less darts than Scott Mitchell managed to do it in yesterday
- Danny Crates interviewing the Reynolds family in the middle of a crowd bawling Winter fucking Wonderland. Reynolds brother with a voice like Julian Clary
- Reynolds leaves himself D18 to go one leg from victory. Hits single 4 then double 7.
- Reynolds needs D20 to win the match 3-0. 2 darts nearly hit the number ring third dart nearly goes in treble 20. Blackwell steals the set.
-Consecutive scores of 26, 45 and 46 from Reynolds when throwing for the match at 2-0 in the deciding set. Loses the leg as a result, as well as throwing a match dart an inch away from the target, and set goes back on throw.
- Someone shouting out whilst Reynolds gets his one match dart so far.
- 41, 30 and 46 in a row from Pip whilst throwing for the match
- Pip nearer T18 than D4
- Ten visits (29 darter) needed to win the Blackwell/Reynolds match
- Session of only 3 matches finishes barely 30 seconds before the allocated 4 hours of TV time.
- BDO posting a picture of a pathetic tree structure to their Twitter page which just contains bits of paper that say “DEANO” on it. Pathetic.
- Only 1700 people worldwide watched the afternoons session according to YouTube.
- Glen Durrant (the #1) still with no idea when his next match is according to his Twitter, sounding pissed off about it. He later backtracks saying he isn’t pissed off, someone has clearly had a word with him.
- Channel 4 calling the Reynolds/Blackwell game a “cracker” on Twitter
- The two Teletubbies from earlier have now gained an extra one
- First leg of the evening sees the extraordinary claim that Bobby George is an ex world champion
- Venue less than half full
- Comms saying that Hogan is averaging 94, when he was barely over the 90 mark.
- Phillips on 180, hits two treble 20s and the third dart just deflects under the T20 bed, barely avoiding a bust score.
- Scores of 31 and 34 from Phillips to open a leg. A leg he only scores one treble in (T5 doesn't count).
- Phillips losing the first two sets 6-1 averaging 78 and change
- Brian 'Doggy' Dawson in the crowd when he has a game to play later.
- Nicholson yet again bigging up Harbours win over James Wade 15 years ago like it actually has any relevance.
- Phillips kicks off a leg with 82,41 and 32. Hogan responds with 44,41 and 60
- Spotters clearly audible on the broadcast.
- Mario and Luigi join the Teletubbies at the front of the hall.
- Hogan and Phillips both winning at least one leg in less darts than Mitchell did yesterday.
- Using bottles of water on stage rather than glasses.
- 31, 58 and 45 in three consecutive scoring visits from Phillips.
- Paul Hogan games full of references to the fabled Basingstoke Canal because "it runs right past the Lakeshite"
- Hogan takes the full 5 sets to squeak past Phillips in a game he was 2-0 up in sets and should have won in less than 30 minutes.
- Hogan admitting he was happy averaging 91 when he knows the same again will result him in being battered against Durrant.
- Mason saying that an 100 average is the expectancy.
- Anca Zijlstra announced as the “former Hungarian Open Champion”. Dear lord!
- First eight throws of the Winstanley/Zijlstra match: 24, 30, 60, 60, 81, 21, 43, 45.
- Talk of Winstanley being a former "England youth international" despite her now being a fully grown woman and it having no relevance at all.
- One score of 101+ in the first set of Winstanley match.
- Vassos going wildly off script by sharing that Zijlstra has a first-9 average of FORTY-NINE.
- After scoring 440 in 12 darts, Winstanley needs another 8 to clear up the remaining 61. Moment before this the comms had declared Winstanley had “finished legs really well today”
- Anca’s final leg in the match: 42, 60, 90, 45, 64, 25, 40, 45, 57. All of them scoring visits.
- Anca loses in 6 straight legs averaging 63.54, opponent only averaging 74.
- Ref calling her “Hankey” by mistake.
- Chris Mason and Matt Smith pretending to be impressed with a 75 average
- An awkward interview segment where the Asian interviewer said 'I'm sure she's looking down on you' when talking about that mentor of his that died.
- Raymond Smith, Oz jobber, when asked by the interviewer how yesterday's victory had been received Down Under replied "It's massive...89 messages on my phone and 114 notifications on Facebook"
- "It was only a best of 9" is suddenly Mason's line on the De Vos mega average. Wasn't being quite so basically thoughtful during his abusive Twitter meltdown earlier in the day
- Raymond Smith’s walk on, including horrific dancing
- Comms on Raymond Smith: "Today he is showing he can play".....meaning yesterday he showed he couldn't
- "Last Belgian Standing" trotted out by both commentators 84 times before the end of the second set
- De Vos and Smith both finishing legs in less darts than Mitchell managed in his entire match yesterday.
- Nicholson saying de Vos is just like Clive Owen in Dads Army
- Yet more mentions of Paul Lim, despite no public admittance yet that the 9 dart fund has been cut by over 80% (see the Pre-Tournament list)
- Random mention of Steve Coote by Nicholson
- Ross Smith with 81 left, hits single 19 to leave 62, then goes for treble 10 and misses it. Loses the leg after having no outshot on a double or even bull.
- The Fat Farmer hauls himself up to bend the balcony and try to "outshirt" Mason.
- When De Vos is asked how he thinks he will do against Mitchell, De Vos looks like a child that shit their pants and says he always loses second round and glanced to the ground in a defeatist look.
- Betfred, who put the 9 dart money up, Tweet a picture of a Unicorn dartboard rather than a Winmau one
- Doggy Dawson doing a Merv King impersonation and spewing on about his A-game and how if he brings it goes on to name all those he will beat along the way. He goes on to lose.
- The Teletubbies monging out to Doggy's walk on. Matt Smith suggesting Dawson is a bit of a fattie by saying he has “significant hips”
- Doggy Dawson scores 2 consecutive 180s in a leg then 8 darts to clear the remaining 44
- “Yawkshire Grit” mention by Nicholson
- Paul Nicholson: "It doesn't matter how hard you throw the dart, it goes up to come down”
- Daily Star publish an article to their website taking the piss out of Jim Williams, saying it gives hope to every pub team.
- Occasional BDO commentator John Gwynne mocking the name of the event on Twitter.
Day Four
- Prostate Cancer UK being pushy cunts at Lakeside to the extent a fracas occurs and they take their leave.
- Awful reviews of Lakeside this week already appearing on Trip Advisor
- BBC darts page finally mentions the tournament today - four days in.
- Before the first game, Channel 4 interviewed a fat man dressed as Elvis and he had a go at signing a Elvis song at the end
- One of the great young hopes of the BDO broken in the first fucking leg by some Canadian cunt.
- Cameron follows up the break by throwing scores of 41 and 22 in the very next leg
- Noppert misses NINE doubles for the second leg and loses it, despite being about 200 points ahead
- Cameron throws consecutive scores of 26 in the third leg of the first set, followed by a 59.
- Technical gremlins on the broadcast,picture frozen at 12.39 but commentary still going, and the stream on the C4 website not working.
- Cameron scores 3 x D1 for a total scoring visit of NINE in the deciding leg pof the first set.
- Both Cameron and Noppert winning at least one leg in 3 less darts than Scott Mitchell managed in a whole game on Sunday.
- Nicholson talking about the magnitude of the Scottish and German Opens
- Noppert drops a set to some cunt from Canada who isnt Jeff Smith
- Shot of a massive 20-pinter jug of piss on the table with a pack of mongs gurning around it
- Commentators somehow manage to go through an entire match without a single reference to county darts.
- Paul Nicholson: "Montgomery is the most underrated player in darts"
- Warty jumps on the Martin Adams cancer bandwagon by having PROSTATE CANCER UK" emblazoned on his shirt
- McLoyalty broken in the very first game of the match.
- McLoyalty's second leg starts off with with 60, 37, 50.
- Veenstra wins a leg in three less darts than Scott Mitchell managed the other day.
- "Ross you require 7". First dart smacked in the 19 and score is bust.
- Chris Mason mentioning the Scottish Open at least four times during the opening two set of the Monty match.
- Veenstra misses 3 darts at D10 for the 2nd set and a 2-0 lead, including one that missed by a country mile.
- Nicholson bigging up the WDF Europe Cup Singles as "a huge title that Veenstra will carry with him for the rest of his life"
- McLoyalty winning a leg in 2 less darts than Scott Mitchell managed in an entire match the other day.
- McLoyalty broken at the start of both of his sets he had the throw in first.
- First 9 dart average getting an airing.
- Martin Adams in the crows cackling like a loon, not watching the darts.
- Warty misses three darts at D18 and D9 to send the match into a decider after Veenstra had fucked up checking out 42.
- McLoyalty giggling on stage after his traditional early exit. 15 matches at Lakeside and only once has he averaged over 90.
- Deta Hedman winning a leg in 2 less darts than Scott Mitchell managed all match the other day
- Deta with a scoring visit of 11.
- Deta with a ton of missed doubles to win the match whilst 1-0 up in sets and 2-0 up in legs
- Hedman loses six legs on the spin to lose the match 2-1 after having a shedload of match darts in the third leg of the second set.
- Casey Gallagher sounding like a chav.
- Two mongs in fancy dress getting engaged in the car park, followed by inane interview with them both where he sounded like he was already regretting it.
- Yet another bookie Tweeting a picture of a Unicorn dart board in relation to the event.
- A scorching 1st set between Harms and Ratajski. Ratajski won it.Darts: 11, 20, 21, 20, 19. Averages: Harms 79, Ratajski 82.
- Harms busting 120 with two T20s.
- The silence after Rawlings mentioned the PDC premier league night in Holland.
- Ratajski winning is proclaimed as “A piece of Polish sporting history”
- Multiple puns based on Harms name. “Out of Harms way”.
- Wesley Harms, the 9th seed, being thrashed by a 84 averaged in straight sets.
- Ratajski winning in straight sets having scored only 1 180 and 4 scores of 140+. Rob Walker called this a “magnificent victory”
- Ross Montgomery won 6 legs and his highest finish out of the lot? 40.
- BDO Fanatics Facebook page taking their own 180 cards.
- Both McGeeney and Hurrell win a leg in the first set in less darts than Scott Mitchell managed in his entire match the other day.
- Commentators talking about how good Jim Williams is at joinery. And now talking about Waites work as a carpenter.
- Channel 4 openly talking about players getting pissed on their website
- John Rawling banging on about doing the timewarp (again). Other musical treats on Day 4 included Mouldy Old Dough.
- Shout out to 'The Channel Islands Open'
- Matching 44's to start a leg in the Hurrell/McGeeney game
- Hurrell letting out a high pitched scream.
- Hurrells final scores in the match: 55, 60, 45, 47, 48. All but the last one effectively scoring visits
- Mason giving us tales of when he spent time at holiday camps with Anastasia when she was just 15
- The BDO needing a fucking official to turn the board, as the ref couldn't do it
- Rhian Edwards being sponsored by Aldi
- Mason comparing Gulliver to Taylor.
- Lithuanian player being proudly announced as the “four times Lithuanian Open champion”. Well I never.
- 23 darter to start Conan vs Darius, which Darius eventually won.
- Nicholson just called the England Open the "Glen Durrant Open". An event Durrant has only won once.
- Darius on 116 goes T7 T7 T11
- Nicholson impressed with the first set performance of Darius. He averaged 81….
- Paul Nicholson: “When you come from a place like Lithuania you have to be ice cool”.
- He also bigs up Madars Razma, calling him a great player. He failed to qualify
- Stereotyping from Mason about Ana's killer mentality being because she's Russian?!
- Commentators still astounded that Labanauskas has yellow, green and red stems to match the Lithuanian flag.
- A chorus of 'THERE IS ONLY ONE CONAN WHITEHEAD' from the mongs
- More chavtastic excruciation as CONAN's partner gets interviewed down in the mong pit. Look of thunderous disgust on the interviewer's face as the whole ghastly thing unfolds. Interview ends with partner saying she's sweating and her hairdo's gone all to fuck. Interviewer says she still looks lovely though but with as much sincerity as KONG's vegetarian phase.
- FIVE consecutive 17-darters in th Whitehead/Darius game
- DfW for some reason not registering scores over 100 in the “Ton+” field on the live scoring. IF it is only 140+ scores that go in there, change the fucking name of the column.
- Mongs bouncing around gurning during live BT Sport interviews.
- Darius winning a leg in 3 less darts than Tractor Boy managed all game on Sunday.
- Paul Nicholson with the line of the night: “I am sure this place has a great health and safety record”
- Commentator stating he googled Darius earlier to find out who he was. Then being xenophobic by saying 'We know Darius will have a number of supporters around this country
- Comms say Conan needs double 10....spotter and camera focus on tops
- Scott Waites doing some retarded dancing
- Paul Nicholson saying Harbour reminds him of John Lowe
- Nicholson banging on about WWF wrestlers and their "moves"
- Comms yet again going on and repeating how Dennis Harbour beat James Wade....a then 19 year old on his debut, and Wade even missed match darts
-"We miss you Gary and hope you're back next year" -Nicho showing love for Gary 'Big Jobbo' Jobson.
- Harbour gets 180. Proudfoot - "how do you follow 3 perfect darts at the start of a leg?" With a treble 1, of course! And then a single 5.
- Scott Waites in interview "...because I'm World Champion, my opponents play out of their skins."....After winning comfortably with a 90 average and 37% checkout rate.
Day Five
- Scott Mitchell white knighting for the BDO in the Bournemouth Echo, claiming PDC players would do shit in BDO floor events.
- Glen Durrant admitting in a local newspaper article that the Winmau board being used this week is a joke, and has an unmissable bull.
- De Vos with scoring visits of 32 and 48 in the very first leg
- De Vos starts his first leg on throw with a 43. He then decides to chuck 2 x 180's in.
- De Vos with consecutive scoring visits of 25 and 30 in the third leg of the first set.
- Mitchell with consecutive scoring visits of 40, 60 and 45.
- De Vos misses multiple chance to break at the start of the 3rd as Mitchell has a mare checking out D10.
- Mitchell with a chance to finally register a 13 or 14 dart leg for the first time in the tournament messes it up on D14. He then opens up the next leg on throw with a 43 and a 39.
- De Vos with a fantastic chance to break and take control of the 3rd set after Mitchell has the above howler, hits a score of 38 to hand control of the leg back to Tractor Boy.
- De Vos win a leg with an 11 darter - a full FOUR darts better than Scott Mitchell has managed in the tournament to date.
- De Vos misses three darts for the 3rd set (a break of throw) to allow Mitchell to steal the set.
- De Vos, with 80 left and three darts in hand, somehow only scores 30!!!!!!!
- De Vos with consecutive scoring visits of 42 and 30, and throws in a 35 two throws later.
- Yet another 11 darter for De Vos- still a whole 4 darts better than Mitchell has managed all tournament.
- De Vos, 83 points up after two visits each on the Mitchell "serve", chucks in a scoring visit of 25. Luckily he still wins the leg after both players have a mare checking out.
- Mitchell, with 3 darts in hand and 40 left after 12 darts, finally has a chance to register a sub-15 dart leg. He misses all three darts at double and loses the leg
- Mitchell whitewashed in a set he had the throw in twice, losing legs in 19, 18 and 15 darts after having darts for the leg in at least two of them.
- De Vos starts a leg with 60, 41, and 41.
- Mitchell finally wins a leg in less than 15 darts - a 13 darter in the 6th set of his second round match in a set he has to win against throw to stay in the match.
- A lovely 101 out by Mitchell. A shame as his score was 121.
- The general gamesmanship of Mitchell. Taking darts out the board individually even when clustered together.
- Rob Walker declares that the scoring of De Vos was "fantastic", despite him having 10 scores over 100 LESS than the loser.
- Excruciating post-match interview with Mitchell. Comes out with lines such as "anyone who's ever been any good at darts has played here", and "My little village, my heart goes to you"
- Xenophobic woman in the crowd being interviewed. Said her main man was Mitchell, and then she said: "Looking forward to seeing all the others, all the English players". Sigh.
- Channel 4 woman interview Corrine Hammond: "I hear you dont even have a dartboard at home. Does that mean you dont practise at home?"
- Patricia Farrell with a scoring visit of THREE!!
- Vassos described the little Canadian woman as "the best player in Canada" which 5 seconds looking at the WDF rankings would disprove.
- Women still playing first round matches 5 days in to a nine day event when all the QF's are on Day 6, SFs on Day 7 and the final on Day 8.
- Farrell with scoring visits of 26 and 40 which result in her losing throw.
- Deta Hedman on comms: "The ladies' standard so far has been very very good"
- Patricia Farrell with a scoring visit of NINE
- Farrell misses SIX darts at D10 to lose throw yet again.
- Farrell barely averaging 71 in a 6-1 (legs) defeat
- Jackpot Joy (sponsors) monging it up on Twiiter about the fancy dress
- Mong in the crowd wearing a "STAND UP IF YOU LOVE THE DARTS" yt-shirt
- Rob Walker: "coming up next it's Wolfie and Jeff Adams". Who the fuck is Jeff Adams?
- John Rawling: "Adams never seems to have a dull match"
- John Rawling saying Waites' scoring was too heavy for Smith in last year's final. Waites averaged 87 and a half...
- Adams, after firing in a 180 and getting the graphics department excited about a 9 darter, then hits a score of THIRTY
- Comms keep calling Ryan Joyce "Paul"
- Crowd singing "Stand up etc" on Wolfie's throw .No reaction from Dundas (the ref)
- "If Smith can get 140 here.......". He then fires the dart into T1.
- Smith with consecutive scores of 45 and 39 at the start of a leg
- Jeff Smiths BDO cash cow finally being put down as he meekly loses to Adams
- Satanic final leg won on Double 1 knocks the spineless 1-dart average down to 29.98, which will upset the most anxious of the statsmongs who have decided that 90 is now gold standard.
- Adams saying he did not give Smith a chance at doubles.. After we all witness him missing dozens.
- Adams interview about how he will spend his prize money with his missus in Marks n Spencer, then realises he shouldn't really say that
- C4 claiming in their caption that Adams LOST 4-1, and also forgetting to update their caption for tomorrow's session, it still said "Waites or Harbour". Walker then compounds the fuck-up by saying we will have to “wait and see” who McGeeney will have to play. Erm, they played last night Rob, and Waites won…
- Nicholson claiming there's only 7 men left in the tournament that Wolfie can lose to, despite there being 13 other men in the draw still.
- Blackwell breaks Fitton in the very first leg with a mighty 20 dart leg
- Fitton missing 6 doubles to break back straight away
- Pip Blackwell’s dodgy tattoos on his arm, they look suspiciously like swastikas
- 180 from Darryl to start the leg. "He's had 9 darters before" declares the commentator. Next score 45. Not one near the treble.
- With 158 left and on his throw, Blackwell power scores his way to 40 and 30. And loses the leg.
- The start of the third set for Fitton: 59 58 59 55 60
- 3rd set 2nd leg Darryl needing 67. Hits a big 2, then 15 to leave the biggest bullseye in the world. Dart in single 5.
- Fitton 6 of 38 on doubles after nine legs. And then later on, 8 from 50.
- A Fitton dart at a double almost hit the fucking light, moving the number ring.
- Commentator cries "here we go then.... for the set...". Fitton was on 188 at the time.
- A run of seven legs completed in 17, 17, 21, 16, 20, 21 and 17. In a Lakeside second round game.
- 3rd leg of the 4th set - took until the 9th visit combined to register a 3-figure score.
- Fitton gets to a Lakeside quarter final with a tournament average of around 86 and a half.
- Fitton hit 13/59 doubles yet still won 4-1...
- Hughes downing a pint during the Fitton interview. Hughes taking the stage minutes later.
- Geert de Vos saying that someone had stolen his darts. “Family friendly atmosphere”. Comms asking people to Tweet in with info! He later found them.
- Jim Williams slurping Toplad in an interview: "I never thought I would be bookies favourite to beat O'Shea of all people"
- Chris Mason: “Yozza is highly regarded by everyone in both codes”
- BT Sport playing the wrong promo, advertising tomorrows darts even before the session had finished
- Commentators creaming themselves because Scott Quinnell is in attendance.
- Fist pump for scoring 60
- “Early signs Jamie Hughes is getting into top gear”. First darts lands in the single 1, closer to the 18 than the 20.
- Comms declaring that "Wolfie in magnificent form earlier today. He averaged below 90!
- Hughes actually has Tipton printed onto the collar of his shirt. Is it in case he gets lost?
- Hughes with a scoring visit of 17
- Comms: " Hughes doesn't care where the darts land". Eh?
- Comms: “'No one beats Andy Fordham in the popularity stakes'”
- Jamie Hughes and Jim Williams winning a leg in 2 darts better than that fucking fat farmer who interferes with cows managed all fucking week.
- Hughes with a scoring visit of 15
- Hughes wins the 1st leg of the 4th set with a mighty 27 DARTER - possibly the 2nd worst leg of the week for the men, which included 6 missed darts by Hughes at D20 and D10.
- Jim Williams wins 2 legs in a row for the first time in the match.....took 4 sets
- 23 legs in the Williams/Hughes game, highest checkout 85.
- Crowd monging out to the soundtrack from fucking Grease.
- Comms: "In 1995 Hogan lost to Paul Burnett who went on to win it". Who?
- Duzza loses the first two sets 3-0, cuts to images of him picking his nose.
- Hogan with a scoring visit of 11.
- Comms making all kinds of crap excuses for Durrant going down 3-0, such as having to wait since Saturday to play this match. The same as two other players, then. Oh and some women will have to wait longer between games.
- Durrant requires 80. First two darts in the single 5. Why he was aiming for 20’s after hitting the first 5 is another story….
- Hogan choking when 3-0 and 2-0 up. Hogan requires double 8 for the match. First dart in double 16
- Comms: " Paul Hogan has some bottle" when he won a leg in the 7th set. This after he missed match darts at 3-0 up in sets and 2-0 up leg in the 4th set.
- For some random reason, Durrant pointing at a badge on his shirt which has the name of a town in North Yorkshire on it after he wins.
- After banging on about averages in his interview after the first round (“players will need an 100 average to beat me this week”), Durrant's average stays below 90 throughout the game.
- Interview after the game. Durrant - "the better player lost tonight". Hogan - "I'm happy with my performance". Happy he missed match darts at 3-0 and 2-0 up ffs!!!!
Continued below......
May I suggest this thread is a Sticky.
Pre-Tournament
- BDO Board members and Bob Potter fuck the draw up on a live Internet stream to the extent Little Richard has to step in and ask for the whole thing to be redrawn
- The international rights for the events seemingly sold to no other country at all, so only the UK and Ireland able to view the coverage via the two host broadcasters.
- Ross Montgomery issuing a "chilling warning" via the Daily Star, despite the bookies making him the underdog. He later goes on to lose his first round match 3-1.
- Only a couple of days before the event, ticket sales still very poor. Monday evening only has 43% of available tickets sold, Tuesday evening 60%, and all the weekday afternoon session vary between 45-64% occupancy
- Channel 4 showing trailers for the event including Stephen Bunting (fucked off 3 years ago), Alan Norris (fucked off 2 years ago) and Ted Hankey (failed to qualify).
- Oh, and Channel 4 using the 4 (?) year old catchphrase of a dead fat racist in their promotional material on Twitter.
- Oh, and Channel 4 failing to provide free to air evening highlights for the first time in years.
- BDO Board leaking out "news" (and I use that term very loosely) on Boxing Day with the intention of trying to get players to stay when Q School comes around.
- The current BDO mens #1 spending the days before his big match obsessing about an Irish man writing things on a blog, rather than getting himself mentally ready for the big game.
- Bookies and major sports stars lining up on Twitter, Facebook and their own websites to take pot shots at the event, thus confirming its perception in the psyche of the general public. List of bookies taking the piss: Stan James, Bet365, Betfair, Coral, PaddyPower
- The continuing insistence that Lakeside is the "Home of World Darts" or the "Home of British Darts", depending on where you read.
- The BDO having to scratch around for a "journalist" to do their website write-ups for free, only finding one this week - a kid who writes a blog.
- No public breakdown of prize money split - because they dont want to admit its exactly the same as last year. And the year before that. And the year before that.
- Rumours that the 9 dart prize fund has been cut by over 80% (from £52k to £10k), despite nobody hitting it since God was a boy. Probably reduced because they know the board now has massive trebles and its much more likely to happen.
- The BBC website, one of the most popular news sites in the UK (if not THE most popular) totally blanks the start of the event, instead it has a PDC new article from 4 days ago as its main story and no mention at all of the event starting on the 7th.
- The last article on the BT Sport website with the tag "darts" dates back to the 30th September". So nothing about the event they are about to show whatsoever.
- Channel 4 claiming that Jamie Hughes had a trial with "Wolverhampton Wanders".
- The BDO Fanatics FB scrambling around for free streams for the BT Sport session, rather than paying for the darts they profess to love and be fanatical about.
- BDO website forgets to put their runaway mens #1 player on the montage picture on their own website.
- the "new" stage is just the same as the old one with some black paint and new light bulbs.
- The official BDO Twitter account not being verified.
Day One
- Rob Walker.
- One of Walker and Nicholsons opening gambits is about how the PDC event is better. Talk about talking your own product down.
- When Bobby George was asked if darts is a psychological game, he said it was also a mind game.
- Rob Walker suggesting the oche was filthy and needed the attention of a vacuum cleaner. Also making excuses for poor performances by saying everyone is "very nervous".
-Nick Kenny stealing Freed from Desire from the recent PDC event
- Channel 4 inserting a break between the fucking walk ons and the first leg
- First throw of the event featured 2 of the 3 darts straying into the 5 segment
- The huge unmissable bull on the Blade 5 coming into use in the first fucking leg.
- the hot favourite is broken in the first set and loses it.
- When needing 141 for a perfect 9 dart leg, Durrant scores the almighty score of 48, ensuring he can't even get a 10 dart leg when he returns.
- Little Richard calls the above as a 48 when it was actually a 46.
- Nick Kenny with 72 left and three darts in his hand doesn't even get a dart at a double as he missed two big numbers.
- Less than 3,500 people worldwide watching the number 1 in the whole WDF system in his first round game on the free YouTube stream, at some points not even 2,000 watching it.
- "Kenny likes double eighteen" says Vassos immediately after Kenny missed said double.
- Comms mistaking masks of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in the crowd for the Beckhams.
- C4 cameras picking up someone in the crowd who had specially blacked up for the occasion.
- Very shaky camerawork when switching to 19's. Add to this shaky camerawork on the balcony.
- People in the crowd chanting whilst Durrant was throwing for the match. This after years of people saying this never, ever happens at Lakeside.
- Duzza spending most of the post match interview monging it up about averages, averages, averages.
- Channel 4 interviewing players in the bar, so no progress there at all. C4 realising part way through the interview they were showing people getting ratarsed, and changing the camera angle, will not save them this time I'm afraid.
- Trina Gulliver bullshitting her way through an interview, claiming the women's game has always been quality and that broadcasters see the value in it.
- Trina walking out to "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate.
- Women's defending champion starting her defence of her title with a 30, followed by a 44, followed by a 59.
- Brookin misses six darts to win the first leg before Gulliver finally wins it on her own throw in 29 darts. Brookin wins her first leg with a hold in 26 darts...
- Gulliver almost missing the board going for D10.
- Brookin with 25 left busts it. Twice. Finally wins the leg after Gulliver busts 78 by hitting a T20.
- Trina needing 6 darts to clean up 40.
- Commentators giving a plethora ot excuses for the poor performances in the Gulliver/Brookin match. Stage is too hot, Brookin is pregnant etc.
- Deta Hedman saying "Fuck" during live commentary.
- Brookin scores D20 in a scoring throw.
- She then needs 14 darts to clear 25, busting it three times.
- Vassos claiming that Trina is "playing herself into form" at the end of an utterly awful match.
- Paul Nicholson claiming not to be surprised at the number of darts the 10 times champion was missing at double.
- Martin Adams having a proper coughing fit during a live interview.
- Denis Nillson stealing the walk on music of Mensur Sujovic.
- the most interesting thing that John Rawling can conjure up about Ryan Joyce that he was the running up in the Denmark Open. Quickly followed by Paul Nicholson blowing smoke up Joyce's arse by saying he has a chance of winning the title.
- Rawling claiming that the winner of the Joyce preliminary match will play Adams in the "second round". He repeated this again at the end of the match.
- Rawling and Nicholson waxing lyrical about the PDC world championship final in 2007.
- Rawling claiming Nillson needed tops when he had 32 left.
- Nicholson and Rawling labouring the point to death that Joyce is from the north east.
- Paul Nicholson claiming thousands are in attendance. The capacity of Lakeside is about 1350.
- Crowd monging it up singing along to Daydream Believer and Mamma Mia whilst C4 are trying to do some analysis, which consists of Walker claiming the atmosphere was "electric" during a routine straight sets win.
- Ryan Joyce extolling the virtues of alcohol during his post match interview.
- Walker constantly sticking his mic in Nicholson's face....this is despite Nicholson having a mic of his own.
- Fitton groping his own tits waiting for walk on
- Darryl Fitton still persisting with that fucking walk on. This is after the C4 team have been bigging it up most of the afternoon like it was seeing something special akin to Halley's Comet.
- Finally pronouncing Wouter Vaes name correctly after 3.5 hours on the air.
- Vassos's mic failing during a live commentary, leaving Rawling on his own.
- Vaes averaging 73 in losing the first set, with three missed darts to win a leg and only one score over 100.
- whilst Fitton is averaging mid 80's, Rawling proclaims you won't be able to get him as high as 33/1 at the bookies now. A quick look online sees Stan James offering 40/1 and PaddyPower 50/1.
- Vassos going on about the Lakeside stage etc etc etc...
- With Fitton on 92, he hits 50 and Rawling suggests he has D16 left
- Vaes missing 6 darts at D17, none of them inside the double and one of them almost hitting the tyre.
- Session finishes at 4.40pm after 2 x 3-0, a 3-1 and a 2-0, giving the crowd well over 2 hours to do fuck all except put money in Potters tills.
- Fitton mongs whilst C4 are trying to interview him, talking up his 85 average as a world beating performance.
- Scott Mitchell and Spineless wearing their playing shirts despite neither of them being on until tomorrow.
- a bizarre mention of Brian "Pecker" Woods during the opening match of the evening session
- Awful spotting during the Smith match: when left on 63, they focused on 13, but Jeff likes D18, so his first dart went for a T9.
- Smith busting a 70co by hitting 10 and then T20.
- Yet more mic problems during the McGrath match
- Fans booing non stop during the appalling jansen/McGrath match.
- 26 darters enough to break for Janssen.
- Janssen starts the leg with a 180....and follows it with scores of 21, 30, 30, 60 and 40. First 3 darts = 180, the combined total for next 15 darts = 181
- BT Sport putting ads on just before a deciding set. Even Sky don't pull a stunt like that.
- Jannsen/McGrath going to a decider. Kill me now!!!! 17 legs taking 65 minutes to play.
- In the final leg of the Jannsen/McGrath match, Jannsen is left on 128. "Who's to say Janssen won't have a big visit and leave himself on a nice finish", cries Nicholson. Janssen scores 26.
- Mongs rocking out to the Proclaimers and Neil Diamond whilst BT Sport try and do some analysis.
- Around 3k people watching the darts worldwide, prime time in Europe...
- The BDO on Twitter virtually admitting the McGrath match was shite by saying a rendition of Sweet Caroline had livened everyone up.
- Gulliver still wearing her playing shirt, hours after actually playing.
- One of the women drops her darts during the walk-on
- Brooks with 70 left throws for treble 10 and hits single 15, and then 15 again to leave tops, but throws for double 10 instead of double 20. Camera goes to double 20, we see no 3rd dart but hear it hit the board. Comms, "where did it go", Camera pans out; Brooks collecting the dart from single 10 (after missing D10) walks away counting on her fingers and realizing she only had 50 scored.
- Barely any cunt in the Lakeside crowd watching the ladies darts.
- O'Shea seen downing a beer in the bar minutes before he's due on stage
- an awful skit involving O'Shea being a drummer.
- Paul Nicholson declaring that "the thing with the Welsh is that they are very very Welsh" He also declared that "O'shea won it would be a national holiday in Stockport", the problem being that Stockport isn't a country.
- Jim Williams winning 2-0 in legs despite averaging 66 and change.
- Williams scores 3 during a normal scoring visit.
- Williams winning a set 3-0 with a break of throw and a 68 average.
- BT Sport putting the averages up during the O'Shea holocaust match, realised they were both averaging 75 and below, so quickly got rid of it.
- Williams misses 11 darts at double 10 alone in one leg as O'Shea holds his throw with a 30 dart leg and celebrates like he has won the lottery.
- Play is halted because of a mobile phone going off!
- Williams able to win the first two sets averaging 75.06
- BT Sport keep cutting to the, erm, mighty Will Mellor and his missus in the crowd, instead of showing actual darts.
- Yet another 3-0 loss in the first round for O'Shea, averaging less than 77 and winning only two legs.
- Toplad chuckling like fuck during his post match interview, blaming the "pressure of the stage". Again.
- Jim Williams being told his next match is tomorrow. It isn't.
- The woefully poor graphics on the BDO website. Looks like they are using MS Paint and resulting in some out of proportion head shots.
Day Two
- Channel 4 taking time out to show, ahem, "highlights" from the thoroughly turgid evening session from the night before.
- An embarrassing Go Fund me page set up to raise an extra £500 for the Lakeside winner...who already gets ten grand.
- Rob Walker waxing lyrical at the megastars who have played at Lakeside: Tarbuck, Forsyth, Warren Mitchell…
- Today's coverage starts with images of several players necking pints
- Rob Walker claiming that Lisa Ashton won “12 majors” last year”
- O'shea claiming he played well in the first two sets in of his match, sounding pissed at 1pm in the afternoon.
- The number #5 seed admitting he has not even done any practice for half of the year.
- Crowd dancing along to Agadoo, Macarena and the YMCA whilst C4 and BT do pieces to camera
- The commentators praising Joyce for never losing on the Lakeshite stage when he has only played one match on it.
- Rawling promising that the atmosphere will get more mongy as the day unfolds during the first match of the day. He also bigs up the IoM Open…
- Joyce on 60, Vassos: "Ryan Joyce has looked nerveless on his doubles so far." Single 20, then puts the Double shot possibly underneath the single dart, then misses D10 by an inch
- Crowd oooooooooo'ing in prospect of a 180 after Adams hit two treble 20's, despite him being on 165.
- Yet more adverts before deciding sets
- Adams going 14 darts without hitting a treble, including scoring 117 in three visits at the start of a leg
- Rawling: 'The door is ajar Adams will put the Joyce throw under pressure.' Adams scores 41.
- Technical problems with the T20 camera and the sound. Again.
- The obvious bias towards Adams during the entire Adams/Joyce match. Tony Greenesque.
- C4 interviewer asking Paul Hogan to give his opponents some tips. How does “lose” sound?
- Vassos asking Mace about his epic QF match with Adams, without having an actual clue when it was.
- Tom Sawyer having the worst nickname known to man “Today’s”. Where do you even put that in his name, at the start or the middle?
- Hogan proclaimed as the “Malta Open quarter finalist”.
- A discussion about golf and Vijay Sing during the Hogan match for some unknown reason.
- Sawyer averaging less than 70 through two sets.
- Mason calling Tom “Paul”, as well as making every excuse under the sun for the poor standard. “Shoulder injury” etc….
- Rawling proclaiming that “Lisa Ashton vs Deta Hedman is a great sport rivalry”
- At 2-2 in legs in the womens game of the afternoon, Rawlings says he thought the game would be much closer than it actually was.
- A discussion about youth international ladies darts
- Ashtons daughter screeching in the crowd just like that woman did at Highbury for fucking years.
- Ashton posting a higher average in victory than plenty of the men did in theirs, 11 of the 16 men up to that point posting a lower average.
- Nicholson blowing smoke up Mitchells arse after slagging off his invisible dog routine on Twitter.
- Comms bigging up Mitchell’s GSOD performances, without mentioning he never got out the group.
- Fat mong in a green suit getting a bollocking and told to behave
- Comms stating that Mitchell is up there with O'Shea as the most popular player in the game” and Vassos stating that Mitchell is “big on the South coast”
- McGrath scoring 22 in consecutive legs
- Mitchell 2-0 up in sets and threw more than 15 darts in all but one of his winnings legs.
- McGrath hitting S18 whilst aiming at the 20 bed.
- Comms proudly stating the Lakeshite prize money will just about cover McGraths travel costs. So no profit to be had.
- Rawling saying mitchell throwing for the set at 1-0 up in legs
- In the post match interview, Scott Mitchell claiming he and his opponent were "buying each other beer all day" and will be "buying more later"
- Channel 4 presenter Rob Walker needing to issue alcohol warnings on Twitter to the fancy dress mongs.
- Ratajski given 93 points for a score which was actually 83
- Matt Smith claiming that Hughes/Atkins could be a fire cracker. As it happened it was a standard 3-1 victory for Hughes which finished at nearly midnight
- Rawling calling the Ratajski prelim match "a first round match"
- Matt Smith proudly stating that they were dancing along to Its Raining Men during the break
- “Olive Oil” taking about five minutes to throw a dart at a double and then nearly throwing it out of the board.
- Olive not being able to count for shit
- John Rawling saying that Olive “hasn’t done herself justice tonight”, like she normally plays 10 times better
- Matt Smith getting the draw wrong
- Mongs in the crowd dressed as Power Rangers and Honey G. I thought Lakeside didn’t do fancy dress?
- Girl from BT Sport trying to interview a clearly worse for wear Brian Dawson whilst some Yawkshire mong bounds about in the background shouting "YAWKSHIRE! YAWKSHIRE!"
- The ridiculously slow pace of the Smith/van Baelen game.
- Jackie the Spastic from Belgium, playing up for the cameras at numerous occasions during the Van Baelen game.
- Bull Bull D16 by DvB. Unfortunately the camera cuts away to show Jackie the Belgian and we miss the double landing
- One 180 in the entire first 4 sets and then only 2 in the entire match between Smith and Van Baelen, the eventual winner not getting one at all.
- Nicholson deciding in the 17th leg that the turgid Smith/Van Baelen match, between two slow as fuck players, is "turning into a scrap."
- Smith/Van Baelen going all the way, sending the crowd to sleep
- Nicholson naming all the famous Aussies who have graced the Lakeside stage - whilst forgetting the only one to have actually won the cunt.
- The guys dressed as Power Rangers desperately trying to act up for the cameras during the Van Baelen game
- Van Baelen throwing away a 2-0 lead in the deciding set, and six match darts, to lose a Prelim match that took 90 minutes.
- BT Sport persisting with more adverts at 10.55pm when there is still one full match to play and the crowd have been there since noon that day
- Atkins with the look of an extra from Trainspotting. Tanked up to fuck. Also sponsored by some scummy pub in Tenerife.
- Atkins so pissed he loses the ability to count properly
- Paul Nicholson turning into Fatz by constantly bringing in the regions both players are from. “Yorkshire 1 , Black Country 1” he proclaimed at one point
- The return of the “First Nine Darts” stat during the Atkins game to mask the proper averages
- Nicholson commenting on the beautiful throwing action of Atkins...as he bangs in a couple of treble 1s.
- The guy who does the DfW seemingly giving up on updating the live scoring page after the second set
- The day finishing just before midnight at 11.58. Only a short 11-12 hour day for the crowd and the officials then. Five hours to play four matches, one of which was a 2-0 womens match.
- The event, which is called "unpredictable" by its supporters, currently has a first round set score of 18-4 to the six seeds who have played their First Round matches
Day Three
- Only scheduling three games in the afternoon, two of which are prelims.
- The total lack of any sunstantial mainstream media coverage for the event. Lead article on darts on BBC website is still MvG winning, not a single one on the site, and nothing substantial in the national print media. Some papers posting some results but not all (why?)
- The new "saviours" of the BDO, Sportotal, spending time on Twitter comparing averages from different rounds of both WC's, instead of spending time compiling their accounts which are now officially marked as overdue, meaning a fine to be paid to Companies House.
- Two Prelim jobbers winning the first 2 legs of their match in 14 and 12 darts respectively, both better than Scotty Dog Mitchell managed in his entire match yesterday.
- Hendriks with a scoring visit of 13 (5,5,T1)
- As the averages tumble below 90 after a promising start in the Hendriks match, C4 decide to show multiple close-ups of Anthony Dundas (ref)'s well wacky proper darts shoess. Rawling implies that Jim Proudfoot wouldn't criticse them to his face because he'd get himself killed by the thug.
- Rawling with intimate knowledge of David Cameron's whole darting career as he suggests he is "a better player than his record would suggest".
- "The upset is on" says Rawling as Cameron goes 2-1 up. Cameron is ranked 32 in the main table compared to Hendriks' 25 and neither play in the same events as each other on the tour, ever.
- Proudfoot filling time by making the same awful joke twice in 5 minutes about David Cameron having the same name as the ex-British PM and he should be good around the number 10 etc...
- Start of a leg, Hendriks score 60, 60, then puts the third dart up near Double 5.
- Hendriks on a high two-darter. Proudfoot: "Might go bull here, might go for treble 17". He duly slings it into single 7.
- Nicholson asked by Rob Walker if he thinks Cameron could beat Noppert in Round 1. Nicho refers to Kylie Edmonds beating Noppie at the Masters to suggest he can, because 'you get the feeling that the Canadians are winning against the Dutch at the moment'. Sigh
- Rob Walker makes reference to Cameron probably having "an orange juice or two" following that match.
- Dean Reynolds being a PDC Youth Tour participant mentioned on the coverage. Not hiding it at all....
- Interview with Scott Waites, talking about how much hes enjoying his darts and enjoyed the last year as champion. Strange, when he was talking about how hes losing interest and struggling to get motivated for the darts any more a month ago....
- Rob Walker physically incapable of saying the name "Dennis Harbour" without adding the word "master" onto the end of it.
- Dennis Harbour stealing Barney's walk on music
- Exciting reference to Dennis Harbour beating Wadey on the Lakeshite stage. Excitement undone by the clarification that Wade missed 10 darts for the match and was a child.
- Rawling claiming Wade lost to Harbour in 2005, when it was in fact 2003.
- People dressed as Teletubbies (Dipsy and Po) sat on the front row. In a country club on a working Monday afternoon in January at an event where nobody apparently does fancy dress.
- Man in the audience planting a big wet kiss on the camera lens
- Chris Mason spending the afternoon on Twitter having a segment size debate with Wayne Mardle, before then declaring that the best player at the event he is commentating on is fucking off to the PDC in 7 days time
- Caldwell letting out a good 'ol yawn whilst Harbour was throwing
- Harbour has 186 left with one dart in hand, throws it at the 20 bed and hits the single.
- Harbour letting the match go to the 4th set by having a total holocaust in the deciding leg of the 3rd set. Goes from D16 to D12 to D6 to D3, hits single 3, and then hits S20 when going for D1.
- Caldwell's counting and strange checkout choices. Best instance: with 114 left, he hits 57 to leave 57, then oddly enough he goes for single 7. Presumably was going for S19 but why? Shanghai on 19's in the deciding leg of a set he has to win to stay in? Tit.
- Harbour wins a turgid match averaging 81.99 without winning a single leg in five visits.
- Rob Walker describing Harbour's 81.99 average as "his best darts".
- Prelim weighted average is 0.16 lower than last years, so the huge trebles and bull on the Blade 5 not assisting the players whatsoever.
- Nicholson and Harbour struggling to understand what the other cunt is saying.
- Rob Walker: "Dean Reynolds is an immensely popular player".
- Pip Blackwell. Just for his name. Who calls their kid "Pip, ffs!!!!
- Musical "treats" for the crowd today: Chubby Checker [more to be added at some point later no doubt]
- Pip Blackwell walking out to the theme tune from Minder.
- Five missed doubles in the first leg of Reynolds/Blackwell, Reynolds finally holding his throw with a 21 darter.
- Pip Blackwell starts his first leg on throw off with a 41, followed by a 22, followed by a 15, followed by a 45!!!! he then suddenly hits a 180.
- Reynolds not going for a 15 to leave 170 and fucks his dart off the other two that were blocking the treble 20 bed to leave himself on a bogey.
- Channel 4 put up an English flag next to Reynolds name, before quickly changing it to a Welsh one.
- In the deciding leg of the 2nd set and with the throw, Blackwell goes 5 throws getting only one treble, which included scoring visits of 28 and 42. Reynolds somehow breaks despite scoring visits of 32, 43 and 44 in the leg himself to go 2-0 up in sets
- Both Reynolds and Blackwell winning a leg in less darts than Scott Mitchell managed to do it in yesterday
- Danny Crates interviewing the Reynolds family in the middle of a crowd bawling Winter fucking Wonderland. Reynolds brother with a voice like Julian Clary
- Reynolds leaves himself D18 to go one leg from victory. Hits single 4 then double 7.
- Reynolds needs D20 to win the match 3-0. 2 darts nearly hit the number ring third dart nearly goes in treble 20. Blackwell steals the set.
-Consecutive scores of 26, 45 and 46 from Reynolds when throwing for the match at 2-0 in the deciding set. Loses the leg as a result, as well as throwing a match dart an inch away from the target, and set goes back on throw.
- Someone shouting out whilst Reynolds gets his one match dart so far.
- 41, 30 and 46 in a row from Pip whilst throwing for the match
- Pip nearer T18 than D4
- Ten visits (29 darter) needed to win the Blackwell/Reynolds match
- Session of only 3 matches finishes barely 30 seconds before the allocated 4 hours of TV time.
- BDO posting a picture of a pathetic tree structure to their Twitter page which just contains bits of paper that say “DEANO” on it. Pathetic.
- Only 1700 people worldwide watched the afternoons session according to YouTube.
- Glen Durrant (the #1) still with no idea when his next match is according to his Twitter, sounding pissed off about it. He later backtracks saying he isn’t pissed off, someone has clearly had a word with him.
- Channel 4 calling the Reynolds/Blackwell game a “cracker” on Twitter
- The two Teletubbies from earlier have now gained an extra one
- First leg of the evening sees the extraordinary claim that Bobby George is an ex world champion
- Venue less than half full
- Comms saying that Hogan is averaging 94, when he was barely over the 90 mark.
- Phillips on 180, hits two treble 20s and the third dart just deflects under the T20 bed, barely avoiding a bust score.
- Scores of 31 and 34 from Phillips to open a leg. A leg he only scores one treble in (T5 doesn't count).
- Phillips losing the first two sets 6-1 averaging 78 and change
- Brian 'Doggy' Dawson in the crowd when he has a game to play later.
- Nicholson yet again bigging up Harbours win over James Wade 15 years ago like it actually has any relevance.
- Phillips kicks off a leg with 82,41 and 32. Hogan responds with 44,41 and 60
- Spotters clearly audible on the broadcast.
- Mario and Luigi join the Teletubbies at the front of the hall.
- Hogan and Phillips both winning at least one leg in less darts than Mitchell did yesterday.
- Using bottles of water on stage rather than glasses.
- 31, 58 and 45 in three consecutive scoring visits from Phillips.
- Paul Hogan games full of references to the fabled Basingstoke Canal because "it runs right past the Lakeshite"
- Hogan takes the full 5 sets to squeak past Phillips in a game he was 2-0 up in sets and should have won in less than 30 minutes.
- Hogan admitting he was happy averaging 91 when he knows the same again will result him in being battered against Durrant.
- Mason saying that an 100 average is the expectancy.
- Anca Zijlstra announced as the “former Hungarian Open Champion”. Dear lord!
- First eight throws of the Winstanley/Zijlstra match: 24, 30, 60, 60, 81, 21, 43, 45.
- Talk of Winstanley being a former "England youth international" despite her now being a fully grown woman and it having no relevance at all.
- One score of 101+ in the first set of Winstanley match.
- Vassos going wildly off script by sharing that Zijlstra has a first-9 average of FORTY-NINE.
- After scoring 440 in 12 darts, Winstanley needs another 8 to clear up the remaining 61. Moment before this the comms had declared Winstanley had “finished legs really well today”
- Anca’s final leg in the match: 42, 60, 90, 45, 64, 25, 40, 45, 57. All of them scoring visits.
- Anca loses in 6 straight legs averaging 63.54, opponent only averaging 74.
- Ref calling her “Hankey” by mistake.
- Chris Mason and Matt Smith pretending to be impressed with a 75 average
- An awkward interview segment where the Asian interviewer said 'I'm sure she's looking down on you' when talking about that mentor of his that died.
- Raymond Smith, Oz jobber, when asked by the interviewer how yesterday's victory had been received Down Under replied "It's massive...89 messages on my phone and 114 notifications on Facebook"
- "It was only a best of 9" is suddenly Mason's line on the De Vos mega average. Wasn't being quite so basically thoughtful during his abusive Twitter meltdown earlier in the day
- Raymond Smith’s walk on, including horrific dancing
- Comms on Raymond Smith: "Today he is showing he can play".....meaning yesterday he showed he couldn't
- "Last Belgian Standing" trotted out by both commentators 84 times before the end of the second set
- De Vos and Smith both finishing legs in less darts than Mitchell managed in his entire match yesterday.
- Nicholson saying de Vos is just like Clive Owen in Dads Army
- Yet more mentions of Paul Lim, despite no public admittance yet that the 9 dart fund has been cut by over 80% (see the Pre-Tournament list)
- Random mention of Steve Coote by Nicholson
- Ross Smith with 81 left, hits single 19 to leave 62, then goes for treble 10 and misses it. Loses the leg after having no outshot on a double or even bull.
- The Fat Farmer hauls himself up to bend the balcony and try to "outshirt" Mason.
- When De Vos is asked how he thinks he will do against Mitchell, De Vos looks like a child that shit their pants and says he always loses second round and glanced to the ground in a defeatist look.
- Betfred, who put the 9 dart money up, Tweet a picture of a Unicorn dartboard rather than a Winmau one
- Doggy Dawson doing a Merv King impersonation and spewing on about his A-game and how if he brings it goes on to name all those he will beat along the way. He goes on to lose.
- The Teletubbies monging out to Doggy's walk on. Matt Smith suggesting Dawson is a bit of a fattie by saying he has “significant hips”
- Doggy Dawson scores 2 consecutive 180s in a leg then 8 darts to clear the remaining 44
- “Yawkshire Grit” mention by Nicholson
- Paul Nicholson: "It doesn't matter how hard you throw the dart, it goes up to come down”
- Daily Star publish an article to their website taking the piss out of Jim Williams, saying it gives hope to every pub team.
- Occasional BDO commentator John Gwynne mocking the name of the event on Twitter.
Day Four
- Prostate Cancer UK being pushy cunts at Lakeside to the extent a fracas occurs and they take their leave.
- Awful reviews of Lakeside this week already appearing on Trip Advisor
- BBC darts page finally mentions the tournament today - four days in.
- Before the first game, Channel 4 interviewed a fat man dressed as Elvis and he had a go at signing a Elvis song at the end
- One of the great young hopes of the BDO broken in the first fucking leg by some Canadian cunt.
- Cameron follows up the break by throwing scores of 41 and 22 in the very next leg
- Noppert misses NINE doubles for the second leg and loses it, despite being about 200 points ahead
- Cameron throws consecutive scores of 26 in the third leg of the first set, followed by a 59.
- Technical gremlins on the broadcast,picture frozen at 12.39 but commentary still going, and the stream on the C4 website not working.
- Cameron scores 3 x D1 for a total scoring visit of NINE in the deciding leg pof the first set.
- Both Cameron and Noppert winning at least one leg in 3 less darts than Scott Mitchell managed in a whole game on Sunday.
- Nicholson talking about the magnitude of the Scottish and German Opens
- Noppert drops a set to some cunt from Canada who isnt Jeff Smith
- Shot of a massive 20-pinter jug of piss on the table with a pack of mongs gurning around it
- Commentators somehow manage to go through an entire match without a single reference to county darts.
- Paul Nicholson: "Montgomery is the most underrated player in darts"
- Warty jumps on the Martin Adams cancer bandwagon by having PROSTATE CANCER UK" emblazoned on his shirt
- McLoyalty broken in the very first game of the match.
- McLoyalty's second leg starts off with with 60, 37, 50.
- Veenstra wins a leg in three less darts than Scott Mitchell managed the other day.
- "Ross you require 7". First dart smacked in the 19 and score is bust.
- Chris Mason mentioning the Scottish Open at least four times during the opening two set of the Monty match.
- Veenstra misses 3 darts at D10 for the 2nd set and a 2-0 lead, including one that missed by a country mile.
- Nicholson bigging up the WDF Europe Cup Singles as "a huge title that Veenstra will carry with him for the rest of his life"
- McLoyalty winning a leg in 2 less darts than Scott Mitchell managed in an entire match the other day.
- McLoyalty broken at the start of both of his sets he had the throw in first.
- First 9 dart average getting an airing.
- Martin Adams in the crows cackling like a loon, not watching the darts.
- Warty misses three darts at D18 and D9 to send the match into a decider after Veenstra had fucked up checking out 42.
- McLoyalty giggling on stage after his traditional early exit. 15 matches at Lakeside and only once has he averaged over 90.
- Deta Hedman winning a leg in 2 less darts than Scott Mitchell managed all match the other day
- Deta with a scoring visit of 11.
- Deta with a ton of missed doubles to win the match whilst 1-0 up in sets and 2-0 up in legs
- Hedman loses six legs on the spin to lose the match 2-1 after having a shedload of match darts in the third leg of the second set.
- Casey Gallagher sounding like a chav.
- Two mongs in fancy dress getting engaged in the car park, followed by inane interview with them both where he sounded like he was already regretting it.
- Yet another bookie Tweeting a picture of a Unicorn dart board in relation to the event.
- A scorching 1st set between Harms and Ratajski. Ratajski won it.Darts: 11, 20, 21, 20, 19. Averages: Harms 79, Ratajski 82.
- Harms busting 120 with two T20s.
- The silence after Rawlings mentioned the PDC premier league night in Holland.
- Ratajski winning is proclaimed as “A piece of Polish sporting history”
- Multiple puns based on Harms name. “Out of Harms way”.
- Wesley Harms, the 9th seed, being thrashed by a 84 averaged in straight sets.
- Ratajski winning in straight sets having scored only 1 180 and 4 scores of 140+. Rob Walker called this a “magnificent victory”
- Ross Montgomery won 6 legs and his highest finish out of the lot? 40.
- BDO Fanatics Facebook page taking their own 180 cards.
- Both McGeeney and Hurrell win a leg in the first set in less darts than Scott Mitchell managed in his entire match the other day.
- Commentators talking about how good Jim Williams is at joinery. And now talking about Waites work as a carpenter.
- Channel 4 openly talking about players getting pissed on their website
- John Rawling banging on about doing the timewarp (again). Other musical treats on Day 4 included Mouldy Old Dough.
- Shout out to 'The Channel Islands Open'
- Matching 44's to start a leg in the Hurrell/McGeeney game
- Hurrell letting out a high pitched scream.
- Hurrells final scores in the match: 55, 60, 45, 47, 48. All but the last one effectively scoring visits
- Mason giving us tales of when he spent time at holiday camps with Anastasia when she was just 15
- The BDO needing a fucking official to turn the board, as the ref couldn't do it
- Rhian Edwards being sponsored by Aldi
- Mason comparing Gulliver to Taylor.
- Lithuanian player being proudly announced as the “four times Lithuanian Open champion”. Well I never.
- 23 darter to start Conan vs Darius, which Darius eventually won.
- Nicholson just called the England Open the "Glen Durrant Open". An event Durrant has only won once.
- Darius on 116 goes T7 T7 T11
- Nicholson impressed with the first set performance of Darius. He averaged 81….
- Paul Nicholson: “When you come from a place like Lithuania you have to be ice cool”.
- He also bigs up Madars Razma, calling him a great player. He failed to qualify
- Stereotyping from Mason about Ana's killer mentality being because she's Russian?!
- Commentators still astounded that Labanauskas has yellow, green and red stems to match the Lithuanian flag.
- A chorus of 'THERE IS ONLY ONE CONAN WHITEHEAD' from the mongs
- More chavtastic excruciation as CONAN's partner gets interviewed down in the mong pit. Look of thunderous disgust on the interviewer's face as the whole ghastly thing unfolds. Interview ends with partner saying she's sweating and her hairdo's gone all to fuck. Interviewer says she still looks lovely though but with as much sincerity as KONG's vegetarian phase.
- FIVE consecutive 17-darters in th Whitehead/Darius game
- DfW for some reason not registering scores over 100 in the “Ton+” field on the live scoring. IF it is only 140+ scores that go in there, change the fucking name of the column.
- Mongs bouncing around gurning during live BT Sport interviews.
- Darius winning a leg in 3 less darts than Tractor Boy managed all game on Sunday.
- Paul Nicholson with the line of the night: “I am sure this place has a great health and safety record”
- Commentator stating he googled Darius earlier to find out who he was. Then being xenophobic by saying 'We know Darius will have a number of supporters around this country
- Comms say Conan needs double 10....spotter and camera focus on tops
- Scott Waites doing some retarded dancing
- Paul Nicholson saying Harbour reminds him of John Lowe
- Nicholson banging on about WWF wrestlers and their "moves"
- Comms yet again going on and repeating how Dennis Harbour beat James Wade....a then 19 year old on his debut, and Wade even missed match darts
-"We miss you Gary and hope you're back next year" -Nicho showing love for Gary 'Big Jobbo' Jobson.
- Harbour gets 180. Proudfoot - "how do you follow 3 perfect darts at the start of a leg?" With a treble 1, of course! And then a single 5.
- Scott Waites in interview "...because I'm World Champion, my opponents play out of their skins."....After winning comfortably with a 90 average and 37% checkout rate.
Day Five
- Scott Mitchell white knighting for the BDO in the Bournemouth Echo, claiming PDC players would do shit in BDO floor events.
- Glen Durrant admitting in a local newspaper article that the Winmau board being used this week is a joke, and has an unmissable bull.
- De Vos with scoring visits of 32 and 48 in the very first leg
- De Vos starts his first leg on throw with a 43. He then decides to chuck 2 x 180's in.
- De Vos with consecutive scoring visits of 25 and 30 in the third leg of the first set.
- Mitchell with consecutive scoring visits of 40, 60 and 45.
- De Vos misses multiple chance to break at the start of the 3rd as Mitchell has a mare checking out D10.
- Mitchell with a chance to finally register a 13 or 14 dart leg for the first time in the tournament messes it up on D14. He then opens up the next leg on throw with a 43 and a 39.
- De Vos with a fantastic chance to break and take control of the 3rd set after Mitchell has the above howler, hits a score of 38 to hand control of the leg back to Tractor Boy.
- De Vos win a leg with an 11 darter - a full FOUR darts better than Scott Mitchell has managed in the tournament to date.
- De Vos misses three darts for the 3rd set (a break of throw) to allow Mitchell to steal the set.
- De Vos, with 80 left and three darts in hand, somehow only scores 30!!!!!!!
- De Vos with consecutive scoring visits of 42 and 30, and throws in a 35 two throws later.
- Yet another 11 darter for De Vos- still a whole 4 darts better than Mitchell has managed all tournament.
- De Vos, 83 points up after two visits each on the Mitchell "serve", chucks in a scoring visit of 25. Luckily he still wins the leg after both players have a mare checking out.
- Mitchell, with 3 darts in hand and 40 left after 12 darts, finally has a chance to register a sub-15 dart leg. He misses all three darts at double and loses the leg
- Mitchell whitewashed in a set he had the throw in twice, losing legs in 19, 18 and 15 darts after having darts for the leg in at least two of them.
- De Vos starts a leg with 60, 41, and 41.
- Mitchell finally wins a leg in less than 15 darts - a 13 darter in the 6th set of his second round match in a set he has to win against throw to stay in the match.
- A lovely 101 out by Mitchell. A shame as his score was 121.
- The general gamesmanship of Mitchell. Taking darts out the board individually even when clustered together.
- Rob Walker declares that the scoring of De Vos was "fantastic", despite him having 10 scores over 100 LESS than the loser.
- Excruciating post-match interview with Mitchell. Comes out with lines such as "anyone who's ever been any good at darts has played here", and "My little village, my heart goes to you"
- Xenophobic woman in the crowd being interviewed. Said her main man was Mitchell, and then she said: "Looking forward to seeing all the others, all the English players". Sigh.
- Channel 4 woman interview Corrine Hammond: "I hear you dont even have a dartboard at home. Does that mean you dont practise at home?"
- Patricia Farrell with a scoring visit of THREE!!
- Vassos described the little Canadian woman as "the best player in Canada" which 5 seconds looking at the WDF rankings would disprove.
- Women still playing first round matches 5 days in to a nine day event when all the QF's are on Day 6, SFs on Day 7 and the final on Day 8.
- Farrell with scoring visits of 26 and 40 which result in her losing throw.
- Deta Hedman on comms: "The ladies' standard so far has been very very good"
- Patricia Farrell with a scoring visit of NINE
- Farrell misses SIX darts at D10 to lose throw yet again.
- Farrell barely averaging 71 in a 6-1 (legs) defeat
- Jackpot Joy (sponsors) monging it up on Twiiter about the fancy dress
- Mong in the crowd wearing a "STAND UP IF YOU LOVE THE DARTS" yt-shirt
- Rob Walker: "coming up next it's Wolfie and Jeff Adams". Who the fuck is Jeff Adams?
- John Rawling: "Adams never seems to have a dull match"
- John Rawling saying Waites' scoring was too heavy for Smith in last year's final. Waites averaged 87 and a half...
- Adams, after firing in a 180 and getting the graphics department excited about a 9 darter, then hits a score of THIRTY
- Comms keep calling Ryan Joyce "Paul"
- Crowd singing "Stand up etc" on Wolfie's throw .No reaction from Dundas (the ref)
- "If Smith can get 140 here.......". He then fires the dart into T1.
- Smith with consecutive scores of 45 and 39 at the start of a leg
- Jeff Smiths BDO cash cow finally being put down as he meekly loses to Adams
- Satanic final leg won on Double 1 knocks the spineless 1-dart average down to 29.98, which will upset the most anxious of the statsmongs who have decided that 90 is now gold standard.
- Adams saying he did not give Smith a chance at doubles.. After we all witness him missing dozens.
- Adams interview about how he will spend his prize money with his missus in Marks n Spencer, then realises he shouldn't really say that
- C4 claiming in their caption that Adams LOST 4-1, and also forgetting to update their caption for tomorrow's session, it still said "Waites or Harbour". Walker then compounds the fuck-up by saying we will have to “wait and see” who McGeeney will have to play. Erm, they played last night Rob, and Waites won…
- Nicholson claiming there's only 7 men left in the tournament that Wolfie can lose to, despite there being 13 other men in the draw still.
- Blackwell breaks Fitton in the very first leg with a mighty 20 dart leg
- Fitton missing 6 doubles to break back straight away
- Pip Blackwell’s dodgy tattoos on his arm, they look suspiciously like swastikas
- 180 from Darryl to start the leg. "He's had 9 darters before" declares the commentator. Next score 45. Not one near the treble.
- With 158 left and on his throw, Blackwell power scores his way to 40 and 30. And loses the leg.
- The start of the third set for Fitton: 59 58 59 55 60
- 3rd set 2nd leg Darryl needing 67. Hits a big 2, then 15 to leave the biggest bullseye in the world. Dart in single 5.
- Fitton 6 of 38 on doubles after nine legs. And then later on, 8 from 50.
- A Fitton dart at a double almost hit the fucking light, moving the number ring.
- Commentator cries "here we go then.... for the set...". Fitton was on 188 at the time.
- A run of seven legs completed in 17, 17, 21, 16, 20, 21 and 17. In a Lakeside second round game.
- 3rd leg of the 4th set - took until the 9th visit combined to register a 3-figure score.
- Fitton gets to a Lakeside quarter final with a tournament average of around 86 and a half.
- Fitton hit 13/59 doubles yet still won 4-1...
- Hughes downing a pint during the Fitton interview. Hughes taking the stage minutes later.
- Geert de Vos saying that someone had stolen his darts. “Family friendly atmosphere”. Comms asking people to Tweet in with info! He later found them.
- Jim Williams slurping Toplad in an interview: "I never thought I would be bookies favourite to beat O'Shea of all people"
- Chris Mason: “Yozza is highly regarded by everyone in both codes”
- BT Sport playing the wrong promo, advertising tomorrows darts even before the session had finished
- Commentators creaming themselves because Scott Quinnell is in attendance.
- Fist pump for scoring 60
- “Early signs Jamie Hughes is getting into top gear”. First darts lands in the single 1, closer to the 18 than the 20.
- Comms declaring that "Wolfie in magnificent form earlier today. He averaged below 90!
- Hughes actually has Tipton printed onto the collar of his shirt. Is it in case he gets lost?
- Hughes with a scoring visit of 17
- Comms: " Hughes doesn't care where the darts land". Eh?
- Comms: “'No one beats Andy Fordham in the popularity stakes'”
- Jamie Hughes and Jim Williams winning a leg in 2 darts better than that fucking fat farmer who interferes with cows managed all fucking week.
- Hughes with a scoring visit of 15
- Hughes wins the 1st leg of the 4th set with a mighty 27 DARTER - possibly the 2nd worst leg of the week for the men, which included 6 missed darts by Hughes at D20 and D10.
- Jim Williams wins 2 legs in a row for the first time in the match.....took 4 sets
- 23 legs in the Williams/Hughes game, highest checkout 85.
- Crowd monging out to the soundtrack from fucking Grease.
- Comms: "In 1995 Hogan lost to Paul Burnett who went on to win it". Who?
- Duzza loses the first two sets 3-0, cuts to images of him picking his nose.
- Hogan with a scoring visit of 11.
- Comms making all kinds of crap excuses for Durrant going down 3-0, such as having to wait since Saturday to play this match. The same as two other players, then. Oh and some women will have to wait longer between games.
- Durrant requires 80. First two darts in the single 5. Why he was aiming for 20’s after hitting the first 5 is another story….
- Hogan choking when 3-0 and 2-0 up. Hogan requires double 8 for the match. First dart in double 16
- Comms: " Paul Hogan has some bottle" when he won a leg in the 7th set. This after he missed match darts at 3-0 up in sets and 2-0 up leg in the 4th set.
- For some random reason, Durrant pointing at a badge on his shirt which has the name of a town in North Yorkshire on it after he wins.
- After banging on about averages in his interview after the first round (“players will need an 100 average to beat me this week”), Durrant's average stays below 90 throughout the game.
- Interview after the game. Durrant - "the better player lost tonight". Hogan - "I'm happy with my performance". Happy he missed match darts at 3-0 and 2-0 up ffs!!!!
Continued below......