The Completely Useless Information Thread - open all hours

[Randall]

chap who goes round the park in a morning lost his dog last night.

sombre mood today.

[D & B]

It'll be kebab meat by now.

[Randall]

wasnt much meat on the bone.

[Justin Credible]

It'll be kebab meat by now.

[Randall]

girl on there today, must have been about 6 with a full grown alsatian. pulled her over and was gone, who would send a dot like that out with a dog that big.

[Randall]

mate of mine just rang, been waiting on a biopsy result.

the doc called him in and said mr "smith" your results are all clear, get the fuck out of my office and enjoy your life!

thats the kind of doc id like.

[Oche Balboa]

great stuff

[Randall]

girl i went school with got the all clear after having part of her bowel removed before xmas a couple of weeks back as well.

both got young kids, doesnt bare thinking about.

[Monkety Tonkety]

girl i went school with got the all clear after having part of her bowel removed before xmas a couple of weeks back as well.

both got young kids, doesnt bare thinking about.

Yeah it's depressing. I'm only in my mid 30s but several lads/lasses from my old high school have died or become seriously ill. Not only makes you feel old but makes you think about your own mortality (not that I ever thought I was immortal but I did have an attitude that I was too young for all of that).

Glad she got the all clear, there isn't much worse than being bereaved as a child.

[M H]

One thing I've never worried about is my own mortality as it's pretty much out of my hands.

[M H]

Had a really pleasant walk this morning in lovely early spring conditions.

[Justin Credible]

my pups new hobby is whatever he nicks drop it in the toilet while drinking the water, fucker has me worn out,

[M H]

Was funny earlier as Ruby was in a stand off with a GS. After a minute or so Ruby just trotted up to it, licked it's nose and trotted away!

[Justin Credible]

the widest building in ireland and onr of the biggest overall is the cork mental home. or at least it was til they shut it down, guess where all the fruitloops are now....thats right walking the street.
Was in the city centre today and it is worse now than i ever remember, at least back then I was drunk .

[Randall]

This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.

Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

Do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book.

It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.

It is on my National Health card.

My driving licence.

My car insurance.

On the last eight damn passports I've had.

It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal arseholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something wierd to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last fucking people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

You'd rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fuckin' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?

[Justin Credible]

superb...............................

[Randall]

[welsh]

I,m rich stinking fucking rich,Fuck the lot of you,I've won £700,000 pounds on some commonwealth lottery so i,m just sending them my bank details that they've asked for and then i,m going to pop up town and book that expensive Caribbean cruise that i've always fancied

[D & B]

A 1st class stamp costs 60p.

[welsh]

A 1st class stamp costs 60p.

Sixty fucking pence!!! 42p when i last bought one ,,Seriously though you just know some poor old dear is going to fall for this sort of scam..