BDO World Darts CatasTrophy 2019 (Glitz, Titz and Glamour)

[cannibal]

Here is a translation from Mushroom speak to colloquial english:

Dear County Cunts,

The world darts CatasTrophy is only 2 short weeks away, and once again we have sold fuck all in terms of tickets. The BDO has worked extremely hard to once again to do fuck all to promote this event that looses a boat load of money. Our new Chairman Des "the con man cunt waiter" has secured an over priced hall that we can't afford or fill. In addition we have secured a deal with an antiquated hotel miles away at no special discount that you can stay in. I'm asking every county, boy or girl mushroom to sell 20 tickets to any other mushroom loyalist in order to show support for our shower of shit product. Show your loyalty to the great cult of BDO darts as we know no one else interested in darts gives half a fuck. So we can't expect to sell tickets to those outside mushroom land.

Not many tickets have been sold across 6 sessions. We don't want just Oche and Jackie there; we desire to have at least 12 other stupid useless cunts in attendance. For those who desire to avoid slaps from the disciplinary committee you can reply to this email.

Don't forget you will be watching the best of the BDO, aka useless cunts who couldn't cut it at q-school or had less spine than a jellyfish to give it a go. The likes of slow mincing cow humping Mitchell, the perennial first round exit to all BDO majors Ross the Boss fence painter, the mentally abused by my girlfriend Wesley Harms, Give me a dime Parletti, and of course the ever present hinges Waites. On the womens side we have the just out of the shower de Graff, the snarling russian in black Ana, body double to Shrek O'Brien, tongue fetishist Gallagher, and sideshow medusa never won a first round match in a major Jacklin.

This is our chance to show the darting world that we are truly a sad state of cesspool piss who is in the same place we where just a few years ago without the offer of free hot dogs and coach trips.

Des "con man waiter with a fake tan" Jacklin.

[Randall]

[Emulsfier]

You are a treasure for the ages Cannibal.

Dare I ask if anyone will tell me why Gallagher is a tongue fetishist?

[Mabbsy]

Des nailed on for Knob of the week yet again after that surely ?

[Fiss Plaps]

The "schedule" for this is up: http://bdodarts.com/index.php/item/3-ma ... y-schedule (archived version: http://archive.is/IIs1Q in case Laura realises she can't spell "there").

Veenstra's #1 seeding being given the utmost respect by being dumped in the Friday afternoon session. Bo getting a prime Saturday night slot to struggle against Laura Turner. Doubt it means anything anyway considering no fucker will be watching it.

According to the schedule, the tournament just ends on Saturday night with nothing else being played. Gives them the entire Sunday to get pissed I suppose.

[ChrisW]

Des nailed on for Knob of the week yet again after that surely ?

Aye, easy to sweep the whole Heta thing under the carpet that way.

[cannibal]

You are a treasure for the ages Cannibal.

Dare I ask if anyone will tell me why Gallagher is a tongue fetishist?

She use to stick her tongue out while throwing, rather disgusting display that only a person with a tongue fetish could enjoy

[DartJack Horseman]

the perennial first round exit to all BDO majors Ross the Boss fence painter

So a fair chance for baldy Pole Steyer

Great read!

[Emulsfier]

You are a treasure for the ages Cannibal.

Dare I ask if anyone will tell me why Gallagher is a tongue fetishist?

She use to stick her tongue out while throwing, rather disgusting display that only a person with a tongue fetish could enjoy

Thanks boss.

[sennafan24]

Is Wolfie going to enter the qualifiers? He's not on the entry list at the moment.

However, the best player of the early 2000s, John Boy Walton, has entered. As has Dean Winstanley

[M H]

Here is a translation from Mushroom speak to colloquial english:

Dear County Cunts,

The world darts CatasTrophy is only 2 short weeks away, and once again we have sold fuck all in terms of tickets. The BDO has worked extremely hard to once again to do fuck all to promote this event that looses a boat load of money. Our new Chairman Des "the con man cunt waiter" has secured an over priced hall that we can't afford or fill. In addition we have secured a deal with an antiquated hotel miles away at no special discount that you can stay in. I'm asking every county, boy or girl mushroom to sell 20 tickets to any other mushroom loyalist in order to show support for our shower of shit product. Show your loyalty to the great cult of BDO darts as we know no one else interested in darts gives half a fuck. So we can't expect to sell tickets to those outside mushroom land.

Not many tickets have been sold across 6 sessions. We don't want just Oche and Jackie there; we desire to have at least 12 other stupid useless cunts in attendance. For those who desire to avoid slaps from the disciplinary committee you can reply to this email.

Don't forget you will be watching the best of the BDO, aka useless cunts who couldn't cut it at q-school or had less spine than a jellyfish to give it a go. The likes of slow mincing cow humping Mitchell, the perennial first round exit to all BDO majors Ross the Boss fence painter, the mentally abused by my girlfriend Wesley Harms, Give me a dime Parletti, and of course the ever present hinges Waites. On the womens side we have the just out of the shower de Graff, the snarling russian in black Ana, body double to Shrek O'Brien, tongue fetishist Gallagher, and sideshow medusa never won a first round match in a major Jacklin.

This is our chance to show the darting world that we are truly a sad state of cesspool piss who is in the same place we where just a few years ago without the offer of free hot dogs and coach trips.

Des "con man waiter with a fake tan" Jacklin.

The biggest irony of this fantastic piss taking post is it's all fucking true.

You couldn't make this shit up

[The Thorn]

Is Wolfie going to enter the qualifiers? He's not on the entry list at the moment.

However, the best player of the early 2000s, John Boy Walton, has entered. As has Dean Winstanley

Caven too. Mark Barilli, Matt Padgett, Jason Askew, the finest of PDC rejects.

[sennafan24]

Is Wolfie going to enter the qualifiers? He's not on the entry list at the moment.

However, the best player of the early 2000s, John Boy Walton, has entered. As has Dean Winstanley

Cave-in too. Mark Barilli, Matt Padgett, Jason Askew, the finest of PDC rejects.

I couldn't identify the last 3 in a police line-up.

[Captain Hobo]

Padgett is the lefty who copied Phil Taylor's throw, and Jason Askew is the son of Diamond Dave.

[The Thorn]

It's pretty sad that these are the standout names from the qualifier. In fairness there is James Hurrell too, former Lakeside seed. Anyone know how many entries they had last year?

[Captain Hobo]

I just checked the list, only 42 in the Qualifying?

Anyone know what the entry fee was?

[cannibal]

It's pretty sad that these are the standout names from the qualifier. In fairness there is James Hurrell too, former Lakeshite seed. Anyone know how many entries they had last year?

Last year the qualifiers held at the Welsh open, 256 entries for the men.

[oche balboa]

Was a good standard too

Dave Pallett failed to qualify despite getting to the UK Open semi a few months earlier

[sennafan24]

Was a good standard too

Dave Pallett failed to qualify despite getting to the UK Open semi a few months earlier

"It's basically a lottery, unless a PDC player loses"

[The Ginge Reaper]

Was a good standard too

Dave Pallett failed to qualify despite getting to the UK Open semi a few months earlier

"It's basically a lottery, unless a PDC player loses"