Jokes
- Randall
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Re: Jokes
skweezit wrote:Dart shooter one: I've always admired his effortless smooth-as-butter throw. How do I get a stroke like Ted Hankey?
Dart shooter two: Many years of smoking and a high colesterol diet would be a start!
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Re: Jokes
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.
Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply.
So, they brought the cow over from Scotland.
It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,
the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise,
tell him what was happening and ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered awhile this before asking,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"
The people were totally dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.
"You are truly a very wise Vet," they said.
"How on earth did you know we got the cow from Scotland?
The Vet replied with a far-away distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Scotland"
Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply.
So, they brought the cow over from Scotland.
It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,
the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise,
tell him what was happening and ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered awhile this before asking,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"
The people were totally dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.
"You are truly a very wise Vet," they said.
"How on earth did you know we got the cow from Scotland?
The Vet replied with a far-away distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Scotland"
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Re: Jokes
Went to an 80s disco last night...
They played the twist, I did the twist.
They played Jump. I jumped.
They played Come on Eileen, I got kicked out for that one.
They played the twist, I did the twist.
They played Jump. I jumped.
They played Come on Eileen, I got kicked out for that one.
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Re: Jokes
America is sending out a crack unit to find the kidnapped school girls in Nigeria.
Britain is sending Stuart Hall, Rolf Harris, Max Clifford & Dave Lee Travis
Britain is sending Stuart Hall, Rolf Harris, Max Clifford & Dave Lee Travis
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Re: Jokes
I was astonished to hear that the meat at Subway is now to slaughtered in a traditional Muslim way.
I thought to myself.
"Fuck me, how the hell do they get a rucksack on a cow?"
I thought to myself.
"Fuck me, how the hell do they get a rucksack on a cow?"
- Noisycrowds
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Re: Jokes
dogs penis
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Re: Jokes
Why can't Stevie wonder read?
Cos he's Black
--------------------------------
Whats the opposite to Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken
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Whats red and smells of holly?
Ian Huntley's cock
Cos he's Black
--------------------------------
Whats the opposite to Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken
-------------------------------
Whats red and smells of holly?
Ian Huntley's cock
- Tommo
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- Noisycrowds
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Re: Jokes
Tommo wrote:What's pink and covered in cobwebs ?
MH,S DICK.
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A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if
she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't
have a bath, although if she wanted one, she could use a tin bath in
front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman
filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to
see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her
husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the
back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for
yourself."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife
asked:
"Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do
you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed
the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair
department.....very generously indeed.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you
see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough
before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"
she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't
have a bath, although if she wanted one, she could use a tin bath in
front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman
filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to
see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her
husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the
back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for
yourself."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife
asked:
"Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do
you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed
the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair
department.....very generously indeed.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you
see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough
before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"
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